whirled peas

So long! It's been swell!

2006-12-29T14:31:00.000-08:00

Well, friends, the time has come to say goodbye to a fantastically great year. I loved 2006. It was fun. It was hot. It was full of surprises. 2007 is going to rock, too, I just have a feeling.

I've also loved ~~talking to you all~~ blabbering on and on about the minutiae of my life here. I will miss you terribly! But not for long. I am moving and as soon as I get the new site all purdied up and ready to launch, I will let you know if you want. Whirled Peas will probably stay up forever but I won't be updating here after the 1st.

Seriously, dry your eyes. Have a martini. It's all going to be okay. You know how to find me anyway! Much love and peace in the coming year.

(Send me an email - [ms dot quilty at gmail dot com] - and I will notify you when the move is final and official).

Ms. Q, out.

w00t!

2006-12-27T10:45:00.000-08:00

For every one thing in my life that is negative (which we won't talk about here!) a lot more positive stuff happens (which I have talked about here!).

Today's good news is thus: My only natural born son who is currently patroling the streets of Baghdad and whose name is Josh and who is one of the biggest joys in my life, will be coming to visit in a few weeks!! His R&R starts on January 9th which means he should be here a few days later. OMG!! Yessssssss. If you can imagine what it is like to find a billion dollars, win the lottery, or [insert your dream here], then you can imagine how I am feeling right now.

So. Freaking. Cool: 2006 Holiday Version

2006-12-26T13:40:00.000-08:00

The past 4 days have been filled to the max with so much holiday yumminess and magic and fun that it has caused me to spaz out and cease normal brain function. You may keep any typos or egregious grammatical errors you may find below.

Friday afternoon, Greg (Mr. Q) picked me up and we drove 8 hours away to San Francisco. It was a direct result of this conversation on Thursday:

Him: Wanna go Christmas shopping in San Francisco this weekend?
Me: Yes!!! (neurotic discussion about how and why we shouldn't go.) Are you sure?
Him: Pffft. Yes, I'm sure. Let's go!
Me: OK!

He picked me up from work and we drove straight to our friends' house in the Castro district. Our friends are totally sweet and cute and funny AND I discovered that Greg makes killer vodka tonics.

Saturday, we went shopping. Shopping all day in downtown San Francisco? The best thing ever. I do believe it was the first time all year that I actually felt really Christmasy. There were lights! Coldish weather! Christmas carolers!! I pillaged the Lush store and then bought something for everyone on my list at one of the millions of fancy shops at Powell & Market.

We mugged for the camera:

We drew napkin art:

We sat by a fire:

And then! The best part:
Sunday, we made a stopover at Luckybuzz & Gospel Bob's family's home for a Christmas Eve party. When we found out they would be on the West Coast for Christmas, we had to stop and see them no matter what. We didn't mean to insinuate ourselves into their Christmas Eve festivities but we couldn't turn down their genuine hospitality. We ate, we drank, we opened presents. And we had a truly enchanting evening with two of the most wicked cool and beautiful people anywhere. I can't even wait to see them again.

Begrudgingly, we had to leave late on Christmas Eve and drive home. We made it home safely. And then we slept.

And then we woke up. And wrapped gifts:

Adored the tree for a few mintes:

And then we unwrapped gifts:

All of this was followed by a divine time at the Quilty-in-laws. More presents, more food, and more love. Damn, I am a lucky lucky girl. What an adventure we had. I can't wait to do more spontaneous fun things and spend time with more outrageously cool people in the days and weeks and months to come. (New Year's Eve with the O's!!! w00t! Mr. O & Molly better rest up for Sunday!)

Anyway, none of this would have been possible without Greg, the most amazing partner I can imagine. And today is our 7th anniversary of shacking up. Even though we are married now, shacking up was the best and we still pretend that we are living in sin. It's way more fun that way. Thank you Mr. Q, you are crazy, insane, and totally nuts and I love every minute of it.

Hope your yuletide was filled with lovely times and lots of smiles.

Jinxy is was a very stubborn fish

2006-12-18T10:57:00.000-08:00

My gay cat post was a big hit, but this adventure in pet land is a little more depressing. Gay cats? Comedy gold. Dying Betta's? Not so much.

Here's the story in a nutshell: I got a new pet Betta on January 13th (a Friday, hence the name "Jinxy"). Jinxy was a very good fish. He was beautiful and blue with long flowing fins. Like most ornamental fish, he didn't really do much, but I really enjoyed how Jinxy swam and how I even trained him to eat fish food pellets from my finger.

I know fish don't live forever, but I was hoping for a good year or two out of him. $4.95 for a desk companion is not that much, but his presence was priceless at times. Alas, last week he started to decline. He has been hanging out on the bottom of his posh tank all lethargic-like and not eating or swimming anymore. I knew he was on his way out. Each day I thought would be his last as his respirations became slower and slower.

This morning, I fully expected him to be teets up and then I'd give him a proper burial beneath the maple tree outside (shut up, Mr. O). When I arrived, sure enough, he was bloated and pale on the bottom, listing severely to the right. I did not see his gills moving anymore. Prepared to transport his little lifeless fishy body outside, I reached in with the fish net and ... lo! Jinxy frantically swam around and around. Gah!

I am torn between euthanasia and letting nature takes its course. I have a lot of issues with seeing a fish die a slow (although likely pretty painless and fearless) death. I am holding out a teensy shred of hope that he's just got the fish flu and he'll recover. It's doubtful but I can't bring myself to put a little pillow over his face and end it now. What to do, what to do?

Well, he lived a good life and I think he was as happy as a Siamese Fighting Fish can be in an aquarium in a cubicle in an office in Orange County. He watched me clean and rearrange my desk many times. He made me calm. He made people smile. When he goes, he will be missed.

Bye, Jinxy. Thanks for being a good fish.

A note of special thanks goes to Mr. Q for providing me invaluable hospice counseling all last week. I have worked my way through appropriate grief and I am at peace with the end of this little fish's life. It really pays to be married to a hospice guy who gives good grief counseling. Go me!

Update: My dear beloved Jinxy died peacefully at about 4:20 p.m. today. He is now buried 'neath the maple tree outside my office. God, I thought that fish was never going to die. The last thing I said to him was: Die already, die!!!!! The compassion is overwhelming. I know.

How long should I mourn before I get a new fish? Is one day long enough?

Proud Parent of Two Gay Cats

2006-12-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

I am a gay cat owner. That is, I am the owner of gay cats. But I hate the term "pet owner". So, I'll just go with 'parent'. I am the proud parent of two gay cats.

You know how I know my cats are gay? Let us examine the daily lives and many strange habits of Pooka and Pi.

Pooka is the 8-month old kitten who is in a class all his own when it comes to being a rascal. He hides things, he breaks things, he pounces on your head at 4am. Pi is the big orange Maine Coon Cat who weighs approximately the same as a small John Deere tractor.

Exhibit A of the Gay: Yesterday, we came home and they were watching television. Pi's enormous paw was on the remote control. Both cats were fully engrossed in an episode of the Gilmore Girls. They also seem to like showtunes and Pi has an unhealthy obsession with Judy Garland.

Exhibit B of the Gay: They sleep in spoons. And when they play fight they always end up licking each other. All over. Sometimes, Pooka just puts his butt right in Pi's face and ... nevermind. It's totally gay. Trust me! (Pooka is totally a bottom. Even though Pi is more passive usually. This is not a judgement, just an observation.)

Exhibit C of the Gay: Pooka loves my vase collection and when he's not breaking them, he is rearranging them. I appreciate that he like vases to be on the floor but I would appreciate it more if it was on the carpet and not on the ceramic tile. He has potential to be a decent interior decorator but he's not quite there yet.

Exhibit D of the Gay: Obsession with hair things. They steal all my ponytail holders/rubberbands and hide them. They walk around with them in their mouth like some exotic prey they just caught. And then they hide them. There is a giant stash hidden somewhere. Also, they like to play with my hair. In reality, I think they want to open their own kitty salon in our back bedroom and they are just stocking up on supplies.

Exhibit E of the Gay: They will only eat Fancy Feast. The least manly and most shi-shi of all cat foods. Here is some of their ad copy: "Fancy Feast® With over 50 difficult-to-resist varieties, Fancy Feast® is truly an exquisite feast for all your cat's senses." You decide. Maybe they aren't gay, just metrosexual. I should call up Ted Allen and ask him. Better yet, I should call up Bravo and pitch the new show "Straight Minds for Gay Felines".

Exhibit F of the Gay: The closet. They are always in the closet. They can't stay away and it can only mean one thing.

That's enough evidence for today. They are G-A-Y, gay. And I love them. I've always loved me some gay men and my cats are no exception. I am sure there are other gay cat owners out there. I just wanted you to know: you are not alone.

Gay Cats in Action
(click each picture to embiggen)

Awesomeness

2006-12-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

Short post.

Good news. Bad news.

Good news is that I am finished with school for Fall - two finals tonight and a wrist cramp to end all wrist cramps. whew.

Bad news (semi-bad news?) is my fish is dying, I have cramps and other fun girl stuff, I lost a filling and have to go to the dentist in the morning and I got a parking ticket.

Awesome!

How was your day?

I am totally shocked

2006-12-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

Luckybuzz is a Libertine. I am a... wha? No way.

Best. Christmas List. Ever.

2006-12-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

I don't believe we can ever run out of Best. _____. Evers. And I am here to make sure that you get your daily dose of Best. Something. Ever.

This morning, Greg, my hott husband, asked me what I was going to get him for Christmas. I said... um... I... uh... er... gosh, I can't even think of anything you want. Which was true this morning, but of course I knew lots of things he wanted, I just couldn't access that file in my brain until 2 cups of coffee later.

Anyway, he sent me a list just now (totally helpful, thank you!) and it is too good not to publish here. Are you ready to see it? It's the Naughty Boy List. Mom & Dad, you might want to stop reading right here.

1) Bag of Sand

2) Surfboard (between 6 and 8 feet, 3 skags, double tail and colors in
green, blue, teal etc)

3) Your underwear in my mouth

4) Drum with a cool design on the side like a dolphin, woman, etc(NOT GRATEFUL DEAD). Either kind of drum is fine: Conga drum preferred. Medium size. Need more clarity let me know.

5) A manual on ethical behavior for the year 2007 (because I just have no idea)

6) Cell phone.....I don't care....Anything including 2 cans a string will do!!!!

7) PANTS!!! I need them but DO NOT WANT THEM FOR CHRISTMAS!!! OKAY!!!! (ogod)

8) You in a teddy and thong under the xmas tree on Christmas morn! :D

9) Argyle Socks and Boxers!

10) Necklace with a Stone.

12) Naked pictures of you in my stocking!

13) Rock Hard Abs!

14) GRETSCH HOLLOW BODY ELECTRIC GUITAR!!! You knooooooow what I like!!!!!!

15) Amp for my bass!!!

16) Being fanned with palm leaves and fed grapes!

17) BOOKS, DVDs and CDs always!!!! (that is so easy so don't even think you're off the hook with just this!)

18) 7 lb bouncing baby girl or boy!!! (See if you can pull that off in 3 weeks)

19) Cool Button Down shirts that I can wear untucked (you know like we saw in Santa Barbara)

20) New Clark's Shoes (or Doc Martin's)

21) Laughter, Joy, Fun, and Romantic Explosions, daily( you, me or both!)

OKAY. This is a start so I may send you more. Hope this helps!!! You send me a list too when you can!!!!!

I know I can manage half of those without spending a dime.w00t! I am terribly afraid he'll have to wait on the Gretsch though. And that manual on Ethics? I'm working on it.

Ahh, the magic of Christmas.

The Idiot Test

2006-12-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

Y'all think you're so smart, don't you? Lord knows I don't. Do! I do think I'm pretty smart. Maybe not a brain surgeon but smarter than average. Luckily, the kind of smart I am includes paying attention to instructions and following them. Which is why I thought I would excel at the Idiot Test*. Well, I did, as a matter of fact but not even on my first try!!

In the interest of killing a few minutes in between bites of my pound of See's dark chocolate candy (thankyouMr.O), I took The Idiot Test. Don't be nervous, you'll do fine. You read my blog. You are automatically NOT an idiot! So, thanks.

(link via Best Week Ever)

* and by "excel at the Idiot Test" I mean, I passed the test and am ~~not an idiot~~ a certified brilliant person. I do, however, often excel at being a real idiot, test results notwithstanding.

Christmas packages

2006-12-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

See my first Christmas package under the tree? So cute.
This is Pi's favorite new hangout. And it's my favorite season!

This weekend was a great kick-off to the holiday season. Last night, Mr. O and Molly came over for taco and tamale night. There was also baking involved, and I don't mean cookies, if you know what I'm saying. Let's just say watching Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer is even better (and even funnier) in an inebriated or altered state!

Way Back When

2006-12-01T13:10:00.000-08:00

I do believe that many months ago I promised (or threatened, depending on how you look at it) a picture of me, circa 1983, rockin' a mullet. I was feeling brave at the time. Now, not so much. But Chris did it and I think he's awesome, so if he can do it, so can I.

Everyone who loves me has seen this and they haven't left me yet. They do mercilessly tease me so I thought I'd offer you the opportunity to do the same. Open it up to see the mulletastic me at age 15. Now is a good idea to stop eating or drinking. I wouldn't want you to ruin your computer monitor.

Deep breath. Here goes.

Hott or not? I'm going to go with not. Look at the height on that sucker.

Good lord. Save us from the mullet.

Conspicuous Consumption

2006-11-30T16:27:00.000-08:00

As I sheepishly looked at my bank balance last night (yikes, not pretty), I started to think about why I am not in the black right now. That's when I realized something. I have a lot of stuff. Material things. Stuff that I can use and wear and look at. And they are all very nice. Some expenses are for services (not that kind) but they are still luxuries, not necessities. Although, one can argue that digital cable and a dvr are not essential, I would have a hard time giving those up.)

At any rate, I used to think I lived a simple life with very few possessions to bog me down. And then I moved to Orange County. I am not blaming Orange County for my materialism, I'm only noting how easy it is to fall into it without really being entirely conscious of it. There is really no excuse for it and I really need to start prioritizing things better.

Sure, I need a car to get to work, but do I need a fancy car (albeit one of the safest ones)? No, just something reliable. My BFFs have cars they drive that are from the 80s! There cars are older than some of you. It is inspirational.

To demonstrate how out of whack my priorities are, here is a list of recent gifts and/or purchases followed by a list of things I should truly be spending my money on.

Video iPod
Fancy night out and a hotel room
Trip to the Grand Canyon and Texas
Fancy new coat
New digital camera
The Underachiever's Manifesto (which incidentally, I haven't even read or opened yet)
Other miscellaneous items bought while traveling
A pair of boots
Many many trips to Starbucks
Many many beers
Et cetera, et cetera

And that was just the last two weeks.

This part doesn't take a rocket scientist...

What I absolutely need:

Shelter & basic utilities (gas & electric)
Food
Modest clothing
a reliable car

Now, I am engaged in a fierce internal battle. I want to stop the insanity and the material madness! I want to save every single penny I can, so that one day I won't have to worry about anything. But then someone says "meet me for pizza" and I don't even think twice about it. I am weak!

Then again, I don't really believe in depriving ourselves of things (very nice things even) if we can do so within our means. You know the world may end tomorrow and you can't take it with you. Might as well enjoy life now.

But on the other hand, too much stuff makes me unhappy. I buy something and in no time, I am tired of it, it doesn't fit right or I find something else I like better. Consumption fuels more consumption and seems to breed discontent (in me). I know my communist ideals aren't the answer either, but isn't it true that the more stuff you have, the less satisfying it feels?

Maybe there is a middle ground. My slightly premature New Year's resolution will be to cut back on such lavish spending and simplify a little. I will keep cable and DSL, my cell phone, my computer, and the decent wardrobe I have. But I will try to buy fewer useless things and instead save money for something else more enjoyable. And, I will pay my bills first before going shopping, drinking, or out to eat! (Novel concept for me!)

Besides, I'd rather spend all my money driving across country or backpacking South America or Europe anyway. So, there's an incentive to spend less and save more. Right? Right. I am so glad you agree with me.

Public Apology

2006-11-30T15:54:00.000-08:00

Recently, I celebrated my birthday (as you well know) and some of the best parts were people remembering and just saying Happy Birthday to me. And I feel terrible because I missed a good friend's birthday. I feel like a jerk. I remembered a day after and didn't call or email. I remembered at least once a week since then (early November) and still did nothing. I should email him and tell him but I'd rather publicly apologize for my complete lack of couth and send him big late greetings!

Oliver, in case you are reading this, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!

I am a sorry excuse for a friend! I know you totally hate me now. But I won't forget next year.

A moment of silence

2006-11-29T13:48:00.000-08:00

For my laptop. It's in critical condition. Being transported to the nearest notebook trauma center, as we speak. It is unresponsive and has no pulse.

That's TWO, count 'em 2, electronic devices I've killed in one month!!

Earlier this month, my adorable little red camera broke and I cried. (We did replace the red one with a black one though and it is sweet!)

Now, my beautiful laptop is broken and on its way to the laptop hospital. And I shed a small tear when I got the news this morning.

I am thinking maybe it's a sign. Me + Electronics = Disaster.

The REAL tragedy of this (besides the fact nothing was backed up on my laptop) is that I have finals in 2 weeks (hello? study questions! on the laptop!!!), a paper due, apartment manager work to do, vacation photos to show, and a huge library of music that hasn't even gotten onto my iPod yet.

I am really, really bummed. Mostly about the school work. I know I can write papers at work but I don't like to. I also know I can live without photos and music for a few weeks. And I can fake the work records for a while. But, day-um.

Also, let this be a lesson to you: Back your stuff up!!!! I repeat: BACK YOUR STUFF UP!!! Otherwise, you have to pay Geek Squad $99 to do it for you. (Especially, since your computer geek friend is MIA and totally not returning your messages.)

Anyway, I am wondering if I should even be carrying my iPod around. I can't afford to lose or break that too. Gah. Whatever. I know it could be worse!! I just want my computer back. waaahhhh.

/whine of the day

This whine has been brought to you by the letters Boo and Hoo.

Even Steven

2006-11-28T12:58:00.000-08:00

Here goes the post where I talk about how my life is not perfect after all. For every good thing that happens, at least one bad thing* happens. If I find $20, it usually turns out that I will lose $20 in the very near future. And vice versa. (It's a glass half full/half empty thing**, I suppose.)

You've all read about how awesome my life is and how much it rocks. Probably to a nauseating degree. (Sorry!) Well, lo and behold, it's not all peachy keen, puppy kisses and butterflies all the time. Sometimes, it just plain sucks. In the interest of full disclosure, here is a list of the stuff I try to avoid, deny, justify, and then run away from. In other words, here is my Freak Out list.

Freak Out #1. Money: I don't have any. I had some but I spent it. Money sucks. More accurately bills & debts suck. Sucks my will to live. Sucks my patience for humanity (and inane and inept customer service reps). Sucks my credit score down the toilet.

Freak Out #2. Forgetfulness: I missed my Spring semester school registration period. Thanks to a defunct email forwarding system (didn't get that memo) and a complete lack of neurons firing (must reevaluate beer consumption), I missed it and now I have to wait until January!! As a senior, this is problematic because I have fewer and fewer classes from which to pick and less and less time to take them***.

Freak Out #3. Electronics: I am utterly dependent on them and when one doesn't work, I freak out! Plus, there is always the complication caused by issue #1 above. So, my laptop won't turn on and this is huge to me because everything is on there. I think it's a faulty power cord, but I won't know until I try a new one (Goodbye $80! We had big plans and I will miss you.). Pictures, music, work files, school files - they are all on there. I am so screwed - for at least 2 more days (which is the much celebrated and maligned payday).

Freak Out #4. Responsibility: Overall, I have been completely irresponsible for the last 3 or 4 months and it's all catching up to me now. Being a grown up is hard work. I thought it was I wish someone had told me that earlier. My house is kind of a mess, relatively speaking, the bills are stacked high and scattered throughout, and the kitty litter box only gets changed because I married a guy that totally rocks and who cleans it without complaint.

It's a short list, but it covers the major categories in a rather broad way. I know it could be worse. I know it's not the end of the world. And I never really want to live a completely stable and predictable life. I enjoy the ups and downs. I like the extremes. I like living on the edge a little bit. But, once in a while, it'd be nice to see what it's like to not worry about money, bills, broken appliances, school schedules, car repairs, et cetera. You know? Of course you do. We are all totally unique, just like everyone else.

*By "bad thing" I mean, minor bad thing. Not like death, dismemberment, cancer or jail. At least not yet. Thank god for small favors.

** This is an impossible question for an optimistic yet often cynical, mostly malcontented, and sometimes nihilistic person like me. Of course, it can be half full or half empty but it's also probably full of harmful and toxic bacteria, the Plague or West Nile virus and it might kill me but it won't matter because in the end nothing really does.

***If I want to graduate this decade.

Oh well. My solution? None. When the going gets tough, the tough go blogging. All I can do at the moment is bide my time until I win the lottery, marry the Price of Monaco, or just say eff it and move to Tahiti and live in a hut where it really won't matter! (see optimism note above!)

This post has been brought to you by the letters F and O.

There and Back: The California to Texas Roadtrip 2006

2006-11-27T12:42:00.000-08:00

I am back! You missed me, I know. (For what it's worth, I kind of missed you, too, but I don't really want to admit it!)

I took a deliberate break from all things digital during our 9 day journey so I haven't yet caught up with what's happening on the internets or in the world. Did I miss anything?

You need highlights, don't you? Well, here ya go...

I know I am forgetting very important things but I am still tired from our marathon drive home and a little hungover from last night, so here's what comes to mind right now!

The traffic: Bumpy start. Getting out of LA - 3 hours. Ugh. The rest of the trip, though, was like a dream! No traffic. Plus, our car rocks on road trips. It's a smooth, comfortable, and quiet ride and the trip computer is really handy.

The weather: From the time we left until the moment we got home, we had nothing but perfect weather. I have no idea how we lucked out like that, but everything was simply gorgeous as a result.

The Grand Canyon: Beautiful, as always. You should stay at the Bright Angel Lodge if you ever get the chance - it's charming and cheap!!

Albuquerque, NM: whirlwind visit with cousins, uncle and grandmother. We stayed overnight and headed to Texas the next morning. We arrived in Fort Worth at 11:00 p.m., I think.

Fort Worth, TX: In a word - splendid. My parents were terrific and very easy to be around. We had no drama whatsoever!! I know! Unbelievable! I took Greg (Mr. Q) just about everywhere significant and he loved it all. The people there were amazingly friendly and warm. We found an awesome hang-out in Sundance Square and made it our home-away-from-home for a week.

We did a few touristy things and they were all a resounding success.

Monday we toured downtown and Sundance Square. My husband bought me a gorgeous sweater and many beers. Later, to celebrate my birthday, my parents took us to dinner and I received a beautiful silver bracelet that my dad made specifically for me. It's so cool!

Tuesday, November 21st, (the day before Nov. 22nd, duh) we visited the Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza. If you have never been there, I highly recommend it. It was educational, emotional and extraordinarily well-done. I was apprehensive about going, but it is a moving tribute as well as a thorough and balanced examination of the people and events involved.

Wednesday, we went to the zoo with my mom & dad. I give this zoo two opposable thumbs way up! Again, if you can, you should go. As a bonus, Wednesdays are 1/2 price so we got in for about $5 each!!

Thursday, Thanksgiving of course. Another perfect day in every way. My family was just incredibly cool and sweet and my grandma is doing pretty well. My kids called, even Josh from Iraq!! Yay! Overall, turkey day was a blast! We ended the day by going to see the new James Bond movie, Casino Royale. Go see it. Now. I'm not kidding. Right now.

Side note: after the movie, we saw at least 100 people camped out in front of Best Buy to go shopping the following morning. It was barely 9 p.m. I do not understand this. I know a laptop for $99 is a good deal, but really? Camping out. At a store. I would like to hear from anyone who has actually done this.

Friday, we pretty much had a down day, but went to a wonderful Parade of Lights with mom & dad in the evening. Fantastic parade. Exceptional crowd. A perfectly charming end to a perfectly charming week.

Saturday, we said a sad goodbye to my parents, filled up the car with gas and embarked on our amibitious 20-hour drive home. It was caffeine-fueled and ultimately exhausting, but totally worth it to get home before all the return holiday traffic! We arrived back at our pad at 5 a.m. Sunday morning. I'm still recovering. Luckily it's pretty slow at work so I can semi-snooze at my desk!

Anyway. We would like to present special awards in the following categories:

Cheer: Texas Department of Transportation for providing the world's most awesome rest areas!!! I'm talking 5-star rest areas, with free Wi-Fi, and CLEAN restrooms!! Superb!

Cheer: The people of Fort Worth for being so darn nice to us.

Jeer: The people at Whataburger in Midland, TX for being the one and only negative experience of our whole trip. You sure seem to be a miserable lot. But at least I learned a valuable lesson: to always check inside my hamburger for rogue receipts or paper or god-knows-what-else.

Cheer: My family for being all-around sweet, loving people!

Personal awards go to: my husband, friend and traveling companion extraordinaire, Greg. You made that the best vacation ever!

Our friends, for constantly staying in touch and entertaining us from afar and giving us a reason to return home.

And, again, my family for their generousity and hospitality.

Conclusion:
I know I have a charmed life these days (really it's not perfect perfect, I can't seem to pay my bills on time at all), but it always amazes me how really good it is and how simple it is to be with my loved ones. Greg and I had not one cross word with each other or anyone else, not one argument, not one moment of anything but pure delight. How does this happen? Perhaps, like someone wise told me on Thanksgiving, I have forgotten who but I am sure they were wise, the more grateful we are, the more things we find to be grateful for. Or something like that.

Ciao for now. Maybe I'll post some pictures tomorrow. For now, I am going to take a power nap at my desk. Don't tell my boss, okay?

happy freakin' birthday

2006-11-15T11:56:00.000-08:00

What is better than walking into your office to this¹ (click to embiggen):

and getting cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting ¹, and a Starbucks card², and a back rub last night, and a bunch of awesome pens & pencils and books and journals³, and having a crab leg feast and getting flowers at work³and going out to dinner and pigging out on Italian food with your family and getting money and beautiful clothes² and a new iPod³? And going out tonight with our BFFs⁴ for dinner and cocktails and total drunkeness and quite possibly nekkidness? Oh yeah, and going to the Grand Canyon on Friday where we shall hopefully see the Leonid meteor shower?

Damn! Not much! (Although, comments are gladly accepted!) (And cash, too!)

Special special thanks to:
¹ co-worker extraordinaire and talented artist, Bob
² sister-in-law and all-around chica caliente,FancyPants
³ Who else, but the hottest husband in all the land? Mr. Q
⁴ BFFs are Hot Molly and the teh Rakish Mr. O. (who, so thoughtfully, pointed out that I am 266 in dog years!)

Road Trip!!!

2006-11-13T16:48:00.000-08:00

[Three posts in one day? I think that is a record for me.]

I am pretty sure I have already mentioned that we (me & Mr. Q) are taking a road trip soon. We leave on Friday. This Friday. (yikes!)

I am getting really excited because a) Mr. Q has never seen where I grew up; b) It's been a really long time since I've been back to Ft. Worth, Texas - the place of my birth; and c) a road trip is always fun.

However, I am also freaking out a little. Please tell me if I am overreacting or if I have reason to be anxious, in your opinion. Also, tell me how you would cope with these issues.

Reasons that I am anxious about the visit (and/or reasons I might get shot):
1) My mom & dad live in a pretty small house. With one tv. And no cable!
2) Even worse: No wireless internet! (god help us)
3) There are no Starbucks in town (to the best of my knowledge) nor any espresso stands. (holy crap, what am I going to do?)
4) I drive a Swedish car. I could be shot upon entering the town.
5) My license plates are from California. I could be shot just for that one alone.
6) I am clearly "not from around these parts", even though I am. I need to work on blending a little more.
7) I only drink microbrewed beer. (Wow, I am starting to sound snobby & spoiled)
8) Well, 7 is enough, don't you think?

We've tentatively come up with some plans for late night insomnia at my parents house: books, magazines, dvds to watch on the laptop, books on tape for the iPod. And I guess I can go a few days without good coffee and certainly I can go a week without a Stone IPA ( my favorite). I am sad that I won't get to IM my friends (incl. my boyfriend and girlfriend!) while at my parents house (yes, I am 12). And anyway, I should be enjoying the company of my family while I can instead of IM'ing or drinking or watching HBO. Right? Right.

Anyway, I am sure the joy of seeing my family will more than outweigh the slight inconveniences. I know I shouldn't freak out over missing a few luxuries but, what can I say - I'm spoiled (a little).

I'll fill ya in on our itinerary and I'm hoping to blog from the road a little. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, help me out. What would you do?

R.I.P.

2006-11-13T10:59:00.000-08:00

My camera
February 5, 2006 - November 11, 2006
A casualty of "the incident" which we shall not discuss here.
Goodbye sweet red picture taker. You will be missed.

Ms. Q takes a field trip

2006-11-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

The weekend in less than twenty words: Borat, Field trip, Charity Auction. Big fight, Great talk, Birthday Dinner, 30 gig iPod. w00t!

I am super short on words right now. Please to enjoy a picture show of my field trip! (Click slideshow on the album page for best results!)

Los Angeles Walking Tour

And don't fret!! I'll be back later with more exciting things to talk about.

The Day After

2006-11-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

I am waiting on a picture to be emailed to me which shows the wreckage left behind from our beer-drinking/lasagna-eating/trivial pursuit-playing extravaganza last night.

It was a sight to behold.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I am not 21 anymore but you wouldn't know it from my weekend. And the best part is that I am not even tired today. I woke up in a fantastic mood.

Friday night was a spontaneous Girls Night Out for me, sister-in-law Fancy Pants, best gal pal Molly and our friend Jen. We went to a few local places, met a lot of interesting people, including TJ Maxx guy, danced and drank and giggled and had an excellent time. Fancy Pants was smoking hot, Jen looked amazing and the married gals (me and Molly)looked like a couple of MILFs. At least that's what everyone told us. And by everyone, I mean, TJ Maxx guy and a few dozen others. I'm not sure whether I am flattered or appalled.

Saturday was an all day affair at Knott's Berry Farm. It was an awesome day. We walked a million miles and rode all the best rides, multiple times because hardly anyone was there. We had a blast.

Sunday, you sort of already know. Apparently, after my second post I forgot all about blogging, or couldn't find a laptop, or something. It was fabulous and once again, I got home after 2.

Who am I and what have I done with Ms. Q?!! I used to be so innocent, demure and a complete teetotaler. Whatever transformation took place, I can't say. But I am enjoying this period of arrested development and hate for it to end.

The good times can't last though. We have 5 - 6 weekends of obligations and committments and adult responsibilities coming up. Fun responsibilities, but none of them entail copius amounts of alcohol or wild parties where shirts might mysteriously come off. Dammit!!

Ah, well. Enjoy each minute as it comes, right? I am.

Live blogging Sunday part 2

2006-11-05T18:30:00.000-08:00

Drunken Trivial Pursuit 80's edition - like, really, really, hard, like omigod!! I am losing. And I thought I was the smartest person here!

Lasagna - teh yummeh.

Cheesy garlic bread - teh teh yummy

2nd car bomb - on the way.

Drunken grope fest - about to begin any minute!!!

w00t!

Live Blogging Sunday

2006-11-05T15:27:00.000-08:00

The scene: back deck of the O's country home.

The players: Me, Mr.Q (Greg), Molly & Mr. O

The action: We just had our first car bomb, our homemade brew is boiling, I just opened an IPA, the guacamole is turning slightly brown, the sun is in my eyes, the laughter is loud, and we just went to the feed store to buy alfalfa for the goats. I swear.

The plans: Trivia Pursuit 80's Edition, lasagna for dinner, finish brewing the homemade Christmas Ale. And then... who knows. All I know is that it is NOT Monday yet, so I am savoring each minute.

More updates to come...

Maybe.

Best. Pickup Line. Ever.

2006-11-05T14:34:00.000-08:00

Said to Miss Molly on Friday at our girls' night out:

"I want to buy you breakfast and take you shopping at TJ Maxx."

Even after a dozen beers and 6 Scooby snacks, that still was not a tempting offer. Hard to believe, huh?

Randomosity: the bi-polar edition

2006-11-03T11:40:00.000-08:00

When I logged in I had a perfect post lined up. Conveniently, you will never know what it was because I have completely forgotten now. I assure you that it would have been my most brilliant post ever. I just had a feeling about it.

Now what? I'm here so I guess I should talk about something.

I'm not smoking. Yay me. It's soooo easy! (Riiiiiggghhht.) (net positive)

Eight soldiers have been killed in Iraq since yesterday and their names aren't published yet. Which, of course, freaks me the hell out. And makes me want to smoke. (net negative)

The gorgeous Mr. Q and I are going to Knott's Berry Farm tomorrow with our extended family. W00t! I love me some rollercoasters! And boysenberry jam. (super positive)

I am a Citizens for Boysenberry Jam fan. (positive)

It is, perhaps, a little known fact that the founder of Knott's Berry Farm, one Mr. Walter Knott, was a prominent conservative ideologue and activist in Orange County who ran the Orange County School of Anti-Communism. He even handed out pamphlets to park goers regarding the evils of socialism and communism. Or so I've heard. (negative - like I need to tell you that)

Sunday, I am going to help the super charming, ever dashing and oh-so-rakish Mr. O make beer. I've never done that before so I can cross another thing off my list of things to do before I die. (exceedingly positive)

In other news, I have no tolerance for people who don't know what html is, don't know what the formatting toolbar looks like when they compose an email, and don't know what a hyperlink is. I will not tell you how to insert a hyperlink if you haven't even mastered the basic concept of formatting a freakin' email. Just one more reason that I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. (net negative)

It probably looks like I need some lithium, but I am fairly certain that bi-polar is my resting state and I've made it this far without it.

Have a fun (& stable) weekend, y'all!

A little perspective

2006-11-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Copied verbatim from Dr. Brazen Hussy:

"Go here and enter your annual income to see how you compare on a global level."

I'm loaded.
It's official.
I'm the 31,849,353 richest person on earth!

How rich are you? >>

Here is my commentary (because you were dying to know, weren't you?):

I say this all the time, especially when I start to feel sorry for myself about "being broke": We live better than 95% of the world*. I am so grateful for the life and the comfort I have. Last night, we (Mr. Q & I) sat on a pier just above the crashing waves of the Pacific Ocean having dinner and drinks. We walked the one block back to our fabulously cool apartment and I felt like a fortunate, fortunate woman.

* Of course, the pessimist in me can see that there are 31 million people who are richer than me. That's a lot of people if you think about it. Obviously though, in the grand scheme of things, it hardly matters. Money is nice, but I'll take love over money any day. And we are fortunate to live in a world where we get to have the luxury of falling in love and being with who we want.
But I digress.

Woohoo! I'm rich, y'all!

November Spawned a Monster

2006-11-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

A blog is a place where you can be a little bit different than you are in 'real' life, right? In real life, I am ~~extremely~~ fairly dull and boring. I can't make a joke to save my life. I never ask for anything (much). And I don't expect a lot of attention. I am mostly happy to sit unnoticed for days and days in my cubicle. (OK, that last part is a total lie.)

I have learned how to be a little more narcissistic here and it's pretty fun, I must say. I can totally talk about myself and pretend like I am really important!! So cool. That's why you come here anyway. To read all about ME and learn about all the fascinating parts of ME!

This is my ME place. Where I can be as self-involved and self-centered as I want to be without fear of reprisal and talk about my train-wrecks and my happy times. Oh, how I do love talking about me.

OK, now that we've settled that, guess what amazing thing will occur in two weeks? Go on, guess!

The date is November 15th.
The event to be celebrated that day was life-changing for at least 3 people.
You can also celebrate this "blessed" event by giving gifts. (Hint: I really like Lush products.)

Give up?

It's my birthday!! Duh.

I don't actually care about gifts but I do like getting attention and love on my birthday. Since my birthday falls between two very busy weekends, I don't even know what I'm going to do to celebrate. But I have two weeks to think about it!! And be demanding about it!! Because I had soooo much to do with being born.

And for those keeping score at home, I will be an age that rhymes with "Flirty Date". Gah.

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

Hey Weenies! I am wishing you a ghoulish and utterly frightening All Hallow's Eve. Back in my witchy days, this would be a big day but now that I practically a nihilist, I really don't care. It's a fun holiday. Everyone likes to be frightened once in a while. Right? Right.

Well, here's something frightening to ponder...

In 3 weeks, I will be driving my husband to my hometown in Texas. For the first time ever. You read that right. I have known him 15 years, we've lived together for 7 and he's never seen the place where I grew up. He is going to see the house I grew up in, the town where I lived and he will meet my grandmother for the first time. He will have a completely different perception of me afterward. I mean, he's only known me as a poised, sophisticated, and lovely girl. Just wait until he sees the rural country town I grew up in. And all those pick-up trucks.

And... the worst part of all? Pictures from my childhood. Oh my god.

If I return after Thanksgiving to tell you about my divorce proceedings, it is only because my handsome, well-bred, well-educated husband has run, screaming, for the hills!

On the plus side? Sonic! Oh yes, I am going to have me a Cherry Limeade and a Sonic bacon Cheeseburger and Frito Pie!! Just like old times.

Update: The Great Quit Smoking Attempt of 2006

2006-10-30T14:34:00.000-08:00

One of the purported fabulous perks of quitting smoking is that your sense of smell and taste return.

Well, I've smelled the world and it stinks!

Of course, I realize that smoking stinks. It's nasty smelling and makes your mouth taste like an ashtray. Gross, I know. Unfortunately, I'm really not convinced that cigarette smoke is the worst thing one can smell.

After lunch today, I thought it would be wonderful to take a nice walk outdoors: Breathe the fresh autumn air deeply into my healing lungs and smile because the world is beautiful.

I didn't count on the gardeners completely covering the entire city block with fresh manure!

Gah. So, now I am in a deep funk AND nauseous. Nicotine withdrawals put me in a funky mood. I get sleepy, kind of weepy, and overall just plain unmotivated. I feel like sleeping until the withdrawals have passed. But since I keep backsliding, I am just prolonging the inevitable.

Since I am on Zyban (or the generic equivalent) I am not having cravings at all. But I still have the ritual of it and other habits to break. Like when I am hungry or bored. I always smoke at those times but it turns out that I am far too lazy to fix something to eat or find something to do. It's way too easy to light up a cigarette.

But I am vain, and I want to quit so I don't wind up looking like an old ugly hag. Also it is practically illegal to smoke in California. And a few other good reasons.

I will probably continue to ~~bore you to tears~~ chronicle this attempt at quitting until I've got it down. I hope that my pain and suffering is at least entertaining or helpful to you. Feel free to ~~send gifts and money~~ leave encouraging comments for me! They really help.

Control Freak Loses Control

2006-10-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

4 pints of ale + 2 car bombs = drunk off my ass and a Sunday with only the sketchiest of memories from Saturday night. My mom would be so proud!!

I must give a shout out to my darling husband, (applause), who holds my hair when I puke and lets me bum cigarettes from him. The man who will never leave me no matter how badly I sing Dixie Chicks songs on the way home from a night of drinking. He is also the gorgeous man who makes me coffee every morning, hungover or not. Among his other talents.

So, now, in addition to quitting smoking (for good, I swear!), I am planning to quit getting so freakin' blotto on the weekends. I think I've killed some of my most crucial brain cells. That means, next weekend I shall only have 2 pints of ale + 1 car bomb. That will surely allow me to maintain some semblance of control over my faculties, prevent me from talking too much and saying the completely wrong thing and, hopefully, keep the contents of my stomach intact.

In the meantime, I have mucho mucho work to do. And I figured out this morning that I need a big-ass raise for the amount of high-level crap I do and the critical thinking I employ on a daily basis.

Toodles.

On Cheating

2006-10-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

OK, not what you think.

You know that I "quit" smoking yesterday . Except I didn't. I am a cheater and smoked last night. And again this morning. So, I suck.

I am not awesome.

I am a cheater.

I suck.

I do have some good reasons to use smoking as a coping mechanism. Reasons such as: apartment drama, my son is in Iraq, my cell phone got shut off, it's my mom's birthday and I can't call her, etc. These things stress me out a teensy bit. I really just need to find a new way to cope.

I know! Food! Yes, I will stuff my face until my ass is the size of Rhode Island! I have Ben & Jerry's in the freezer. I have a box full of cookies. The vending machine is well-stocked with Ding Dongs and Hohos. I can totally do this! Sounds like a good plan, doesn't it?

Like I said, I suck. (If you tell me to eat carrots and celery, go ahead and punch yourself in the face for me.)

Anyway, I don't completely suck. I do have an awesome friend. Bogey totally brough me macaroons from Mike's Pastry in Boston!!! Do you know how cool that is? These macaroons are delicious. Maybe they will help me quit smoking.

Post #251: How Awesome Am I?

2006-10-23T13:45:00.000-07:00

It's just another manic Monday and I have been asked, nay told, to blog about how awesome I am. You know, as a form of motivation and encouragement. It's a mighty fine idea. But it is also a lot like saying "blog about what it's like to be a rocket scientist". I know very little about either topic. But, whatever, I'll try. I've lied before, I can do it again.

I am not in a narrative mood so you're getting a list. Deal with it.

Did I mention that I quit smoking? I am quitting, I should say. This is day 1. Therefore, if I seem a little basket-case-y, it's because this is harder than that time I quit heroin.

20 ways that I am awesome...

(Disclaimer: Before you send me a comment or email that says "X isn't awesome", just remember that Awesomeness is in the eye of the beholder.)

I can figure out wrought iron puzzles.

I know how to make people smile.

I know how to make me smile. Usually.

I raised two awesome kids who got 23 of their chromosomes from me.

I have a cute butt.

I have the bestest husband in the whole wide world. (& he LOVES me, too)

I have two adorable and very sweet kittehs.

I am reasonably intelligent and I do well in school.

I make a mean macaroni & cheese.

~~I have a really cute boyfriend who thinks I'm keen~~. Maybe not.

I can do many difficult things. Like read my bosses' minds.

I can talk about a lot of different things.

I am a good dancer (and good in the sack, too! Or so I'm told.)

I have nice handwriting and I can do other talented things with my hands.

I can't believe you are still reading this list.

I had no idea that you were so bored/curious/retarded.

I hope that if you read this far, you will just make something up about me.

I would like it in the comments. Also, tell me how you are awesome.

I hope you don't tell anyone that this is a phony list.

I also hope that you think you are awesome. Everyone is - in their own way!

So, wish me luck in getting through the next few days. If I manage to not go homicidal, then everything will be great. This is actually easier than I thought. In fact, I know weaker people than me who have successfully quit, so really this should be a piece of cake. Woohoo. I'm awesome!

By the way

2006-10-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

It looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

Last week, I decided I would quit smoking on Thursday (which was yesterday). As you know, my son called me from Baghdad on Wednesday so that plan was scratched temporarily. I have now decided to quit on Saturday (which is tomorrow). Wish me luck.

In the meantime, I think I need a cigarette!

Powerful stuff

2006-10-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

I've been cynical, jaded, and apathetic lately. Especially in regards to politics. I hate both/all parties at this moment. I don't know who I'm going to vote for yet. I even considered not voting. Because I figured it really doesn't matter. As long as our government is beholden to $pecial intere$t groups and as long as money talks, we really aren't going to be represented honestly. The whole lot of them will get more and more fat and corrupt until the system crushes itself with its own weight and implodes.

We are way too comfortable as a whole nation for any kind of revolution, but there has to be some small thing we can do to send a message. I just don't really know what it is. I only know that I hate seeing them all (George W. Bush, et al) not being held accountable. The whole thing just makes my head hurt.

And the worst part is we let it happen. We are pathetic. We got us into this fucking mess, so we must be able to get us out of it. The hardest part is that it only takes one second to make a mistake but a lifetime to fix it or try to put it back the way it was.

This is a rare political post from me (hat tip to Mikey.) The whole thing deserves to be read. I know I am preaching to the choir here, but this piece is one of the most eloquent things I've read in a long time.

Back in 2002, Arizona Cardinals safety Pat Tillman quit the NFL to serve in the U.S. Army with his brother, Kevin. Pat was killed April 22, 2004, in Afghanistan. Kevin was discharged in 2005. And now, Kevin has this to say:

It is Pat’s birthday on November 6, and elections are the day after. It gets me thinking about a conversation I had with Pat before we joined the military. He spoke about the risks with signing the papers. How once we committed, we were at the mercy of the American leadership and the American people. How we could be thrown in a direction not of our volition. How fighting as a soldier would leave us without a voice… until we get out.

Much has happened since we handed over our voice: [read on...]

You have a voice, use it. I will use mine. November 7.

Wake Up Calls

2006-10-18T13:36:00.000-07:00

I received a wake up call this morning - literally and figuratively.

Let me start by saying that last night the only thing I cared about was what grade I was going to get on the midterm I took two weeks ago. Well, not the only thing, but the only other 'novel' thing. I always care about certain people and things non-stop: my kids, my husband (my bestest friend ever), the rest of my family, my other best friends (Mr. O & Molly), the cats, etc. But hopefully, that goes without saying. I said it anyway, just in case you really think I have a cold, black heart. I don't. I'm just saying.

Six a.m. today, my phone rings but I assumed it was just a bill collector so I didn't bother to get up too quickly. When it started ringing again right away, I thought "Damn, they're persistent." But, it wasn't my creditors, it was my son. Private First Class Josh calling me from Iraq.

Him: "I'm here, Mom."
Me: "Where?"
Him: "You know."
Me: "Um, no" (Because I am in denial that he would actually go to Iraq)
Him: "Yeah, you do."
Me: "Can you give me a hint?" (Because I suck at guessing)
Him: "No."
Me: "Does it start with a B?"
Him: "Yeah."
Me: "And end with an -aghdad?"
Him: "Yeah." (He's articulate, that one!)

Suddenly, nothing else in the world mattered. I don't care about being on time to work, what I'm going to wear today, what bills I have to pay, what grades I got in school last night. Nothing.

I am in kind of a daze at this point because it truly caught me off-guard. It is amazing how your mind plays tricks on you. I went back later and read a lot of memos and articles from his command on-line and it was soooo obvious what they were saying. Except I didn't want to read it so I didn't catch on. Now, I can't ignore it anymore because he is actually there, away from the boredom and relative safety of Kuwait and now in the former Cradle of Civilization where it is not safe. At all.

Yeah, yeah. I know he's well-trained. I know he has a job to do. I know he signed up for it voluntarily. No, I don't believe in bubble-wrapping our kids and protecting them from everything. But this is f#@king war. A nebulous one at that. I know the odds are terrific that he'll come back safe and sound. But try explaining that to my heart, soul and psyche right now.

I've been through a mini roller-coaster of emotions this morning. I am drawing myself in a little bit to process this. I've lost my sense of humor and my patience today. I don't want any sympathy or worry on my behalf. I am tremendously proud of what he is doing. I am practically a pacifist and I still support what he is doing 100%.

He is such a great boy and turning into a great man. I am proud of who he is and what he's become. I realized talking to him this morning that I did a terrific job raising him and if I can take any credit at all for how he's turned out I am really okay with doing that.

I think this war sucks in ways not yet invented. I hate our government for getting us into this war. I hope to god they figure out what the hell they're going to do to get our kids out of there in a way that honors all 2,783 American soldiers, sailors and marines who died and the 234 coalition deaths sustained so far. Not to mention countless others whose lives have been forever altered by this conflict. I've felt this way from the beginning. I have a few choice words for George W. et al, but that's not what this is about here. This is personal.

If you would do me one small favor today, I'd love you forever. Just be thankful for what you have right now. Those men & women in the armed forces all over the world, but especially in Iraq, are giving a lot of themselves right now. They'd be happy to have a regular hot shower and a cold beer. So, just once today, instead of complaining or wishing your life was better/easier/different, find something to be grateful for and appreciate how good we truly have it. Most of us anyway. I know I have an amazingly fantastic life.

And damn fine kids, too! I did something good. They are the most beautiful people ever. I am blessed.

I'm a Peach

2006-10-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

This is quite accurate, I think. I saw this somewhere yesterday, maybe B*, and again today at Luckybuzz

Read My Result
Take the Test

Click the link to read all about it. In a nutshell, I'm lovable. But you knew that already!!

I have a big post coming later today. It's not written yet but it is sure to win a Bloggy or something. Have they added Blogging to the Pulitzers yet?

Until later, go forth, prosper and love each other! That's what I'm doing.

How special

2006-10-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
156
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Not that special apparently. I've never met another one with my name. Have you?

Stolen from Dr. Brazen Hussy, of course.

Quit smoking crack

2006-10-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hey Party People!! It's Monday!! Woohoo!! Yessssss. That is Awesome.

(insert eyeroll here)

Well, there isn't much going on here. Much. I am still on a high and enjoying my first ever adolescence. Being a wild-ass party girl is fun (not to be confused with a wild ass-party girl, that is totally different. Totally.). I can tell you that drinking 2 or more Irish Car Bombs* is one way to ensure that all or most of my clothes come off. Just ask... everyone**.

As it turns out, the mild-mannered and very responsible Mr. and Ms. Q have turned into quite the rock-n-roll party people. We listened to albums (our real, actual, vinyl ones) both nights, drank a little, messed around a little, and basically had too much fun. My kids would be grounded if they had this much fun!! We woke up the following mornings to a kitchen full of beer bottles and shot glasses. If you told me a year ago I would be doing this I would have told you to quit smoking crack.

Anyway. A month from yesterday is my birthday. I am trying to think of something super wild and crazy to do. Any ideas? I am feeling very adventurous. Name something fun that doesn't cost too much.

In the meantime, I have to do a bunch of responsible sh!t because that hasn't completely gone away yet. Yet! Haha. As if. For instance, today I have to file my state taxes. Yikes!

* Irish Car Bomb is a drink made with Guinness Stout, Jameson's Irish Whiskey and Irish Creme liquer.

** and by everyone, I mean, Bogey and FancyPants on Friday night and Mr. O and Molly (both of whom I love madly!!) on Saturday. Also, probably the whole neighborhood because they were all looking in my windows.

Apropos of my last post

2006-10-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

I should review the reasons I feel like Crap today. I just did it (reviewed the reasons) for me, but you wouldn't know that unless you've tapped into my brain and are reading my thoughts (like the government and those pesky aliens!).

This week in a nutshell:

Diet - crap
Sleep habits - crap
Life - hectic
Schedule - packed
Time for myself to relax - nil
Martinis - one

So, in narrative form, that would be somethin' like this: I have been so busy with school, work, life, blah blah blah, that I haven't taken the time to eat well, get enough sleep or spend any quality relaxation time with myself or anyone. Plus, I keep forgetting to take my essential medication (to keep from being a full-fledged and certifiable loon) and that is only compounding the problem. Because when you don't feel good, you're really not all that inclined to take good care of yourself. Self-perpetuating cycle and all that crap. Plus, I've only had ONE martini this week and for a good time I need at least two!

The number one rule of ~~Fight Club~~ feeling good is (obvious to most people with 2 brain cells to rub together but that's neither here nor there), taking care of myself. Last night? I ate an In-n-Out cheeseburger (animal style) for dinner. At 11:00 p.m. Yeah, that's healthy!!! I got to bed around 12, 12:30 and awoke at 5:45 a.m. Hardly a recipe for good mood and good health!!

Right now, I am eating a delicious salad and what do you know?! I am feeling better already!! D'oh. What a genius I am!!

I know you were all overwhelmed with concern for me so I thought it only fair to point out that I have the solution to the problem right here in my very own head!! But that doesn't mean I would turn down 3-martini lunches with cool friends either!! (hint, hint)

On my mind

2006-10-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

Why is this week so long?

What will happen on Lost tonight?

Why are my pants so baggy? Are they stretched out or is my butt shrinking?

Why are my bangs so freaking retarded lately? And will my stylist fix them tonight?

If I am in a funk because I keep forgetting to take my meds, how will I remember to take my meds?

Why am I so tired? (see the previous question)

What should I eat for lunch today? And who will buy it?

I'm sure there is more but I have a stuffy head and fever, I think. More to come later, I am sure!!

School Daze

2006-10-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is school day for me. I have to cram all of my office work in before 2:30 p.m., get on the freeway, drive for about an hour, park (ack!), hike across campus and plop down in my seat (front row, please!! Yes, I am a nerd!) and then sit and listen to lecture. For the next 6 hours.

Oy! What a pain in my arse!! Seriously.

I haven't been talking about school this semester but that's mostly because all of my "free" time (at least the free time not spent making out with somebody) is pretty much consumed with school work. That includes, reading, writing, research, papers, and studying for midterms. Shockingly, for me, I actually have to study now. Is that just me getting old and dumb, or is upper division really that much harder? (rhetorical q.)

Since you are dying to know what I am studying--What? You're not??--here's my class list for Fall, all TWO classes!: California Cultures (zzzzzzzzzzzz, except the sex part), and Hollywood in America: Film as a Cultural Document (w00t!! especially the sex part). I have a professor in the Film class who I've told you about in a roundabout way. I would follow him around the country in a VW van if I had to. He's AWESOME. And an authority on sexuality in 19th and 20th century America.

I do believe I've found my area of focus! Did you pick up on what it could be? I mean, maybe. There are many areas I lerve, such as consumer culture, the built environment, and suburban/urban studies, but this semester has particularly inspired some academic passion in me! And perhaps a little bit of personal passion. I even found some Vintage Erotica films for sale that I'd love to get my hands on. For research purposes only, of course.

Anyway, so I am a pop culture geek and aficianado and I love 20th century American studies so this semester has been fantastic.

Not so fantastic? The commute and cramming two classes into one night. But, eh, somebody's got to do it. The bad news is that, in order to graduate next December like I want to, I'll have to take a full load next Spring and Fall!! Can we say Mental Breakdown?!!

Well, it's a small price to pay to be the first college graduate in my family!! Plus, I'll have an even bigger mental breakdown if I have to be a secretary for the rest of my life.

(Erm, Does anyone know the winning lottery numbers this week? Because that could really simplify my life!)

The return of my stream of consciousness

2006-10-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

I have been horribly negligent about writing here and while I don't write for you, per se, I noticed a correlation between how often people read and how often I write. If you go away, I might as well stop blogging and just write in my journal at home. With a pencil (mechanical, of course). About things I might not even write about here.

I have also noticed something else - the thing that has been most absent here, besides coherent content and my usual angst, is my stream of consciousness style of writing. I used to do it, and rather well, I thought. But then I got all happy ('n shit!) and I seemed to have picked up this retarded 'affected' style of writing. When I go back and read the archives (which is rarely if ever), I was all over the map in the past and it was, at least to me, very entertaining. Now? Not so much. And my inspiration has waned as a result. I am too self-conscious to write well it seems.

One big thing about sharing your life with the internet is that you have to decide how revealing you want to be. (Duh) The more personal, the harder it gets obviously. I could just write about politics (yawn) or pop culture (being done to death already) or religion (yeah, right!!) but I'm just not passionate or confident enough to do that.

At the core of sharing your personal life is, for me, fear: fear of being judged, rejected, ridiculed, et cetera. Along with fear is guilt: guilt about being happy, experiencing joy, whatever. The best part of fear is facing it and feeling the liberation that comes with truly, I mean truly, not letting the fear rule you or influence your decision to withhold information.

The same thing goes for life: fear and guilt are powerful things. We can choose to let them hold us back and keep us from experiencing things or we can face the fear and jump right in with faith, for lack of a better word, that it's not the end of the world if we cock it up.

And really? If I told you something that you were offended by, would that be the end of the world? Hardly. But I hope you like me enough to tell me if something I do or say is offensive. Ya know?

So, all of this to say - I'm embracing my stream of consciousness again. I am hoping to write more, share more, learn more, and experience more. I hope you'll stay around for the ride.

One last thought before I go: I just farted in my cubicle. I hope no one heard it. Because that? Would be so embarrassing!!!!

Fill in the Blank Again

2006-10-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

I was checkin' in with Mikey today and he reminded me of a thing I did last year, which he also did last year but is doing again. I thought it was teh brilliant the first time and I got lots of nice participation. Well, actually I only got 4 comments, so hopefully I'll get at least 5 this year!

Here is how you play: go to the comments section, fill in the blanks. It is soooo easy. I know you can do it. But I'm not going to beg.

I ____ Ms. Q.
Ms. Q is ____.
Ms. Q thinks a lot about _______.
When I think of _________, I think of Ms. Q.
If I were alone in a room with Ms. Q, I would _______.
I think Ms. Q should _____.
Ms. Q needs ______.
I want to ____________ Ms. Q.
If I could describe Ms. Q in a word: _______.

OK. Now I am begging! Please fill in the blanks and tell me how you really feel! (Hint, you don't HAVE to be nice, but it would be nice if you were. I know I can be a self-involved, egomaniacal twit, but I think I have some redeeming qualities.)

The one where I get a Pulitzer

2006-09-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA! As if.

I am so sorry to disappoint the blogging gods, but I'm suffering from a severe case of brain-deadedness.

I have so many things going on, but no interesting way to discuss them. I could Bullet Point them but I am too lazy to do that. Just pretend there are bullet points, okay? Actually, I have a better idea:

This week in Rating My Life (5 ♥ rating system)

Life: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Life, she is good. Overall, it's good times, good friends, good everything.

School: ♥ ♥ ♥ and 1/2
School is awesome this semester but very challenging. I love one of my professors so much that I want to buy a VW bus and follow him around the country like the Grateful Dead. However, I am very far behind in my reading and we have a midterm Tuesday. I am not well-prepared yet and I am freaking out now.

Work: ♥
Meh. You know. It's work. 'Nuff said, right? It's a good place to be but it's still work. I'd rather be playing.

Family: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
No need to elaborate, I guess. My husband is a Rock Star and he makes me happy. Even when he gets sh*tfaced on expensive whiskey and barfs in my car, I still think he's the freakin' bees knees. And I love him madly!!! Always have, always will.

My daughter is planning to pay me back for the cell phone bill before the next decade, so that is good.

My son is relatively safe in Kuwait, for the time being.

FancyPants is the best. roommate. ever. (She made teriyaki salmon for dinner the other night that made my eyes roll back in my head). Plus she lets me borrow clothes from her killer wardrobe! w00t! Then I get to look sexy for my boyfriend! =)

Everyone else is healthy and happy and what more can I ask for than that really?

Friends: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
My friends defy description! Bogie is a superstar and his tales of world-travel have entertained and delighted me. Molly is the best. girlfriend. ever! I love her. We have the best time together. And Mr. O - you give great banter! (More please!)

Health: ♥
Eh. Close brush with the plague yesterday. Thankfully Airborne came to the rescue and I am feeling like $100 now.

I guess that's it. I'm looking for a good salsa recipe so if you have one, feel free to share it with the class. It's for a barbeque on Sunday so it would be helpful today if you could help me out.

Here's hoping you have a 5♥ Weekend! Love y'all!

Weekend Update!

2006-09-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer of sorts: You may or may not be aware that I am having a revival of the youth I missed out on, so before anyone sends me hate-mail for being so decadent and hedonistic, I just feel the need to throw a caveat out there. I was responsible and extraordinarily well-behaved for my first 37.5 years on this planet, so I am unapologetically enjoying the fun while I can! I am more modest than you might think, so I don't want you to think I'm all bragging and feeling entitled to all of this extravagance! It's rare and it's a treat and I feel really lucky.

Without further ado...

Saturday morning, me and my Lovely Husband (aka, Mr. Q, aka, Hotness) went out of town to celebrate a birthday. I am not sure I can adequately explain my boyfriend, Mr. O, and my girlfriend, Molly, but it's probably not what you think! Well, it could be! But I doubt it. Anyway, today is Mr. O's birthday so I going to shout out a Happy Birthday to him here. And then we'll make out hopefully!

Anyhoo, we had another spectacular weekend. Exclamation point. There was shopping, manicures, pedicures, dressing up and fancy dinner followed by... a good night's sleep, or something, and then breakfast. It was good.

Despite the fact that I am sorely short on words, knowing me as well as I do, I know that I will still find a way to talk endlessly about it here. Some highlights:

Shopping spree: including the purchase of 1 pair of Audrey Pants (which I could dedicate a whole post to, but that'll be tomorrow maybe), 1 slinky black cocktail dress and strappy heels. It was kind of like a Pretty Woman thing but without all that pesky prostitution to deal with.

Mani/Pedi: my first pedicure. Soooo fun and sooooooo pretty. Me and Molly went to get our nails done while the fellas grabbed a beer and watched a game.

Dress up: fancy dresses and suits! It was like prom but without all that acne and angst. We were smokin' hot! And tres fab, if I do say so myself.

Drinks: atop the San Diego Marriot above Petco Park. We drank yummy drinks and watched the sunset and the Padres game.

Dinner: At a fancy place - seafood and drinks and a fabulous waiter named Justin. If there was a website called Waiter Rave (as opposed to Waiter Rant) Justin would surely tell you what a lovely, delightful, and um, interesting table we were. So classy and sophisticated. And hardly drunk at all. (For the record, I was not drunk at all.)

The rest you'll just have to use your 'magination. We are married couples so it's not like it's anything shocking - just your typical married couple stuff. You know, we played cards and braided each other's hair and talked about the weather all night. Why? What did you do this weekend?

So, for whatever it's worth, Happy Birthday, Mr. O. We heart you!

Breaking News!

2006-09-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

Pretend it is tomorrow already. I'm going to be out of town doing wild and crazy things with my Sexy Hot Husband, my New Boyfriend and his wife (my BFF) for my New Boyfriend's birthday, and won't be blogging. Still with me? Yeah, never mind.

My first real post at this here blog was September 23, 2005. Before that I wrote at a little site called "A Cat Named Pi". Some of you have been with me since then, some of you only recently started stalking me. No matter when you stumbled onto my little corner of the Internets, I am happy that you have helped make this tiny blog what it is today (uber-lame? NO! It's pretty darn cool, I think.)

In fact, I have almost given up more than a few times, but because you are such amazingly fun and cool people, you convinced me to keep writing/journaling/ranting/whatever it is I do here. Your comments make me smile, make me laugh, sometimes make me cry, but your comments are at least half of the reason this is an important place for me to come everyday. Even if you never comment, I am glad that you spend a minute or two out of your day to see what's happening with me here at Narcissism Central.

And really, that's all it is, isn't it? A minute or two out of your day - for shits and giggles, for curiosity, for whatever. It's been a great outlet for me to keep from being too serious, to learn how to laugh at myself, to experiment with self-disclosure, to take risks and get to know people I would otherwise never meet.

So, thanks!

To celebrate, we should all make out!

The stats (more or less):

Number of posts I've written: 237 posts
Number of comments I've received: Lots of comments but some times all I get is *crickets*

Number of page views: as far as I can tell, I've had 21,000 page views
Number of unique visitors: 13,621 Unique visitors (more than half of those never came back!)

Number of bloggers I've met in person: 2 bloggers (most recently Luckybuzz)

And, the best part probably...

The number of people I would call a ~~fan~~ friend: all of y'all!

Well, Duh!

2006-09-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

As seen at Dr. Brazen Hussy this a.m. And thank d0g, too, I had nothing to write about. Until later today, that is. I've got a special-ish post which won't be all that special but it marks a slightly momentous occassion. Stay tuned.

Pure Nerd
100 % Nerd, 39% Geek, 30% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.

Congratulations!

THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

This is not a post

2006-09-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

This is a test of the emergency blogpost system. If this had been an actual post you would have been instructed to get me some Advil or some Midol or Percocet or something. Please do not panic. The administrator of this blog has cramps. Regular posting will resume in 1 day or sooner contingent upon the resumption of higher brain function or reasonable facsimile thereof.

Please move along. Nothing to see here.

Contest Announcement

2006-09-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

Apropos to my last post , I was talking to a Very Good Friend and we figured out that my daughter was text messaging for about 3 HOURS per day for the past month. I am pretty sure that Moby Dick was written in less time than that.

So, my task for you is this: Tell me, what could my daughter have been texting about for 3 HOURS per day every day for the past month? Best idea wins an imaginary trophy for their imaginary trophy case.

Also, since I haven't been successful selling her on e-Bay, I am going to go out on a tastelss and freakishly long limb and put up my paypal link so you can *cough cough* contribute to a totally worthless cause:

The life you save may be ~~your own~~ my daughter's.

HAHAHA. I'm a loser, what can I say? Pwnd for life by Verizon. (The phone will be off by evening by the way.) Anyway, please, please, please tell me what she was texting.

See Ms Q. See Ms Q Freak Out.

2006-09-18T14:17:00.000-07:00

OHMYF-INGGOD. I am going to ~~kill~~, ~~maim~~, ~~throttle~~ yell really loudly at my daughter. She is so grounded.

[Background for newcomers: Jojo, my daughter and 2nd born child; 17-year old senior in high schoool (this is important); lives with her dad in another state; is a complete airhead *sometimes*.]

When Jojo was here for the summer, I let her have her old cell phone for local use and keeping in touch with us. Because, while she was doing very bad things with boys, on the beach, late at night, I wanted to be able to call her and tell her to pick up some milk on her way home.

Well, LIKE THE MOTHER FUCKING IDIOT ASSHOLE RETARD that I am, I said she could take it back to Seattle for emergency/important use only. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHA. Was I on drugs or what? I think I was. Her phone was on our shared minute plan so I was paying for airtime anyway. I really, truly, sincerely, actually believed she would show some restraint and NOT ABUSE the priviledge. (Why her dad hasn't gotten her a cell phone is topic for another day. Just don't ask.)

I am sure you know where this is going. It's a plotline as old as the written word- Today I got my bill. A normal bill is an average of $80 -90 per month.

This is the part where I freak out: Total due for July - August $188 (not toooooooooo bad)
Total due for August - September: $600 (holy fucking shit) $500 of which is all her.

Well, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do but I hope Verizon takes pity on a pitiful, pathetic, poor, stupid mother and they let me work out a payment plan.

Here's the sad part (and the part where I feel like a really, really bad mom): She starts a new job today. Even if she works full-time, it's going to take her at least a month to pay me back (and she WILL pay me back, oh yes she will). I almost don't want to ruin her first day on the job! I don't want to hurt her feelings. Someone please come smack me. Please. Hard. I am too stupid to live today.

The moral of this story: If you are me, don't have any more kids and certainly don't give them unfettered access to a cell phone until they are paying for it themselves.

Damn kids.

Fuck.

(passes collection hat around)

Pimping Oliver

2006-09-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

Hey Party People! I forgot to announce that my very good friend, Oliver (aka OliverBrave), is in the States this week. Go stalk him, now!

Do any of you remember when I was pimping out his project 15x15.org near the end of April this year? And remember how I was the first American to submit my video? And how it was such a fun project that I got nothing out of other than the pure joy of helping a friend with a fun project? Seriously, I got no compensation (other than instant recognition when I walk down the street - oh wait, that's from something else. Nevermind.)

The reason I ask is that it has been nominated for a prize. Oliver was one of the the creators of 15x15 which is one of four finalists in the Art category at the 2006 FlashForward Awards . Winners will be announced tonight. Wish him luck telepathically or leave a comment, he checks in here from time to time!.

I totally wanted to go to Austin myself and hang out with him but I'll have to be satisfied with a phone call. My amazing, extraordinary and uber-hunky husband even said I could go!! He's too good for me. Mr. Q - you are an angel! (sidenote: post is forthcoming on how fab Mr. Q is and how he spoils me.) Anyway.

Oliver, you are da bomb! Good luck tonight. Let us know how it goes (I know. I know. It's an honor just to be nominated!). I'm one of your biggest fans, you know!

P.S. Call me before you jet back to England, if you can!

Quick show of hands

2006-09-11T16:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, tell me, how many of you are sick of hearing about my fabulous weekends? That's what I thought. All 5 of my readers - making it unanimous! Fine. Put your freakin' hands down. No more weekend talk.

Except I have to tell you that my weekend was special. All two food groups were well-represented: seafood and alcohol. Friday I had cosmos, sake and beer with sushi. Saturday, well, I don't remember a lot about Saturday except for beer and crab legs. YUMMM-AY! Oh, and there were friends, too.

Now, the weekend talk moratorium is in effect until further notice. I will report back to you if I have a crappy weekend. Otherwise, you should assume that it was fun-filled and fabulous to the core.

Speaking of food groups, my friend Craig, aka the Fount, and I were talking about food that we can't eat anymore because the last time we did, we got sick.

If you cannot handle discussions about regurgitations, please exit the blog now! I know I've lost 95 readers due to my endless yammering about boogers last month. I must have a strong desire to lose the other 5 of you still hanging out. I digress.

Legal disclaimer: I am not in any way blaming or holding these foods and/or their manufacturers responsible and I am not trying to ~~slander~~ ~~libel~~ defame their fine brands. These are simply foods I can't eat anymore.

For example, Craig says can't eat Hamburger Helper and I can't eat Pizza Hut. Once time, I just scarfed down a few pieces of delivery pizza and promptly got a stomach virus or food poisoning or some other ailment that resulted in hours of projectile vomiting followed by the dry heaves for about 3 days. Since 2000, I cannot eat anything from Pizza Hut. Just driving by one makes me kind of queasy. It's probably not even their fault. It's just one of those unfortunate coincidences. Sorry Pizza Hut.

Other foods I cannot eat due to their association with barfing: Little Debby Nutty Bars. Since 1981. Disasterous Junior High lunch. Too bad, too, because I really loved Nutty Bars.

Broccoli and Cheese casserole that my mom used to make: Since 1983 or so. Not too bad, because I really didn't like it to begin with.

And for about 10 years, I could not eat chicken of any kind due to a really, really bad experience on New Year's Eve 1992 involving copious amounts of tequila and grilled chicken. I still don't like chicken very much but I've mostly gotten over that. Tequila is my least favorite libation and I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER drink shots of Jose Cuervo as long as I live. So help me d0g.

I think that's really it. I think everyone has at least one food they cannot eat. Do you have one (or more)? Do tell!

Random sighting

2006-09-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

This snazzy dresser had on exquisite Italian shoes, a very nice suit and a terrific tie. I couldn't get my camera out in time for a full side view but trust me, he's the best-dressed motorcycle rider on I-5 today. You have to admire a man who can drive 85 down the freeway, tie a-flapping, on his way to a Very Important Business Meeting (because NO ONE in California wears a suit and tie to work unless it's a Very Important Business Meeting).

So, there you go. One random thing today. My job here is complete.

Shrinks Schminks!

2006-09-07T13:38:00.000-07:00

Who needs to pay money for a psychological assessment or counseling when there are a bajillion of these self-assessments online (complete with code for your MySpace!!)? You know they are totally accurate and completely reliable. Just like horoscopes. So, I was reading LuckyBuzz and, lemming that I am, I took it, too, for shits and giggles:

My Personality


Neuroticism	66
Extraversion	80
Openness To Experience	98
Agreeableness	62
Conscientiousness	40

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

Bebo, Discount Ugg Boots and MySpace Codes by Pulseware Survey Software

I have to agree that I am very open to experiences. My day is not complete until I've done something for the first time. I will go ahead and disagree with the score for neuroticism and conscientiousness. I had lunch with my boyfriend* today and I was totally neurotic the whole time. "Complete spaz" is technically more accurate. Anyway, I am sure I am conscientiouser than most, too. So, pfffttt!

*What?! I didn't tell you? Yeah, my husband knows about him. He's a boy, and he's a friend and I want to make out with him therefore he's my "boyfriend"! Go me!! [Edited to add: I'm just kidding!! I don't have a boyfriend. I was taking poetic license. Unless you are my boyfriend, and then I am joking about joking. Are you following me?]

The weekend in 50 words or less*

2006-09-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

Girlfriends, martinis, beachfront dining. Misbehaving husbands. Oversleeping, spinach/feta cheese scrambled eggs. Pirate party. Operation Happy Hour, car bombs!, roll in the hay. More oversleeping, bra shopping with Fancy Pants**, giggling, making an Englishman blush***, roasted chicken breasts, Bogie’s vacation slide show, steamy chats, making sweet love, Cocoa Pebbles, sleep.

********

*not including foot notes.

**Fancy Pants is her, my dazzling sister-in-law

***Oliver Brave was the Englishman who happened to phone me while I was shopping for knickers. And like the idiot that I am, I told him what I was doing which quite possibly made him blush. I know it did me. * blush * He has a dreamy accent and he is just as nice on the phone as he is online. If you missed out on Oliver Brave, well, I am sorry for you!

Hope your weekend was excellent!

happy friday

2006-09-01T12:41:00.000-07:00

I got nothing, people. It's September 1st. It's Friday. I'm hating life at work right now (because work is boring and stupid). Life outside of work couldn't be much better, but work is strictly for suckers!

But you really didn't need me to tell you that, did you? It all goes without saying.

***

Have a happy, happy holiday weekend (for all you Yanks) and just a happy weekend for my many, many (millions of) international friends! My blog is very cosmopolitan that way. It sees parts of the world that I haven't yet. Lucky blog.

It's also pleasantly unshackled from any sense of Victorian propriety and dignity and therefore wants to make out with your blogs, too. All of them.

...hugs, kisses, nibbles and licks...

Two hours to Heartbreak

2006-08-31T13:00:00.000-07:00

It is 10:00 p.m. in Frankfurt right now. In two hours, my 20 year old son will be on an airplane. He's flying into a war zone.

When I was 20 years old, I was invincible. I didn’t think I was invincible – I was actually invincible. I didn’t think anything bad would ever happen to me. I secretly hoped that tragedy would visit me so I could feel something, anything, out of the ordinary. I took risks. I invited danger. I lived on the edge. When I was 20 years old, I had a 3-year old son who was the light of my life and a brand new baby girl who was more beautiful than anything I could have imagined. But I was still only 20, (20!!) and still had romantic ideas about tragedy. I thought being a tragic figure would cement my place in everyone’s memory. Because Shakespeare and Poe didn’t write about ordinary people who stayed home and raised their children, whose highlight of the day was checking the mail or pureeing carrots for baby food; they wrote about Ophelias and Annabel Lees.

I am so afraid right now. I am not afraid that writing this will jinx anything – I believe just thinking it has that power to do that, or not, – but that my baby boy is going to work everyday in the desert with a machine gun in his hand and enemies that don’t want him there. I have long gotten over those romantic dreams that a tragedy should strike me and now I pray every day that none will. I know life is random. I know that pain and suffering does not discriminate. I can’t protect my child from seeing pain and suffering, possibly causing pain and suffering, or experiencing it himself.

He’s a man now; a Private First Class. I’ve raised him well and given him as much as I could possibly give him. I know he can survive in the ordinary world and that he’ll make good decisions and that he’ll be happy from time to time, as well as sad from time to time. I know that he is capable of doing anything he sets his mind to. But never have I wanted an ordinary, tragedy-free life for anybody as much as I do for us both right now.

Random Bullets of Crap

2006-08-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

Due to a severe case of brain-deadedness, here's a quick list of, uh, stuff.

Need a new blog skin. Anyone want to make me one? I can't afford much, but we could work something out! It's almost Whirled Peas's birthday - templates make great gifts!

I haven't watched TV in weeks, have I missed anything?

Lush!! I ordered some and got the box o' yum last night. I smell soooo good! Good smells make me happy. Sonic Death Monkey Rules!!!

Speaking of smelling, my nose is pretty much fully functional again. A little numb, but it connects to my olfactory sensory neurons appropriately! Occasionally, that's not such a good thing but sometimes it's the best thing ever.

Did I tell you I kicked the Starbucks habit? I did. I rarely ever go there now. So, I save a bundle of money, drink much better coffee (usually at home) and am finally free of the monkey on my back that was Marble Mocha Macchiatos.

In other beverage-related news, I am now a big, old booze hound. Ha! Not really, but I am really liking beer. Good beer, that is. I was a coffee snob, now I'm a beer snob. My heart still belongs to martinis though. Give me a good Cosmopolitan or dirty martini and I'm yours!

Eh, that's it. I can't possibly muster another bullet of random crap right now. You'll just have to deal with it. I know you can.

I'm off to save the world, one expense report at a time. *mwah*

I heart Mushrooms: a story about Friendship

2006-08-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

Maybe it’s just because I feel Fall coming. Maybe it’s because I’ve just been having the best year ever since I extracted the stick from ass and actually taken the time to, I don’t know, get to know and care about people besides my own damn self. I am not sure what it is exactly, but once in a while something just makes me go gaga.

I am completely out of my mind right now – in a really good way! You know that feeling? Just completely kooky, deliriously silly, and totally giddy. It could be a new dish, like Montreal-spiced rib-eye steak grilled perfectly medium rare, or stuffed portabella mushrooms (most delicious thing ever). Sometimes it’s a new drink or activity, like learning to love Ale or how to drink an Irish Car Bomb (hint: very quickly!). Occasionally, perhaps, it’s simply friends who enjoy the same things you do, like watching the Princess Bride (Best. Movie. Ever.) and quoting it verbatim all the way through, or playing Operation like we were kids again.

You know you’ve found your new BFFs when you send them a link to your blog -- and they laugh. And then figure out ways to get mentioned!! (New names coming soon!) Plus, they confess that they have one too but make you guess where it is! Luckily, I have mad Googling skillz! But I won’t give them away. Not yet anyway.

You also know you've found your BBFFs when you all think a slumber party is the coolest idea yet! But you end up talking to each other until five in the morning. Then waking up a few hours later wondering if anybody delivers Spicy Bloody Marys for breakfast. And hanging out until well into the middle of the day until responsibility calls. And finding it hard to say goodbye.

Over the past month or so, I have learned so much about myself through the people I spend time with. (Yes, I am a quick study! I quickly evolve!) It’s not just a mutual admiration society that I want, although I certainly love that, too! I love being with people who ‘get’ me and what makes me tick, makes me laugh, makes me cry, makes me go ‘hhmmmm’. I love being in awe of other people’s wit, charm, good looks, intelligence and sense of adventure. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one with those qualities! (teehee.) I love to learn new things about life through the lens of other people’s experiences. I’ve always wanted that - I found it in my partner - but I've been woefully disappointed by the majority of people I meet in person.

I am truly a lucky woman. I’ve got a kick-ass husband, an awesome family and totally FUN, totally HOT, totally BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING friends, too. What more could a girl want?

Good times with good friends. An amazing partner to share it all with. The perfect weather, perfect place, perfect timing. Feels like kismet.

Here's to friends.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

2006-08-28T08:35:00.000-07:00

While I can't tell you everything I did this weekend, I can say it was the most awesome weekend ever.

First, me and Mr. Q met one of the coolest bloggers in the western hemisphere, if not the world, and she goes by the name of Luckybuzz. Gospel Bob was there too and let me tell you they are seriously funny, fun, cool, smart, adorable, and way too easy to be with! I was a total spaz, and probably the biggest dork ever but they are so great I think they'll forgive me. We could have done this all day but they had family obligations, so we had to cut it short after only 2 or 3 of these!

Bummer. Well, two drinks are better than none! And? Hopefully, we'll get to see them one more time before they leave the west coast! This meet up set the tone for the rest of the weekend, which was just stellar.

Second, I went shopping with the coolest sister-in-law ever. Totally, completely, and in all other ways fun. I like new clothes and it's been a while. I managed, somehow, to actually find some cute things for fall. I am starting to feel fall coming and I'm getting giddy about it. I love autumn.

Third, we had a great time with some friends who came over for dinner and drinks Saturday. It was so fun I should devote a whole post to it. And since I've got a ton of work to do, I think I might do just that. The crux of it is that friends really are the best part of life. When you find good friends, nothing else matters.

My life? It is good right now. I am digging it so much. Life is too short so you've got to embrace the good stuff when you can, right? So, if you have something good going on, please do me a favor and cherish it. If you can't do that, then at least go listen to some Bob Marley or something!

Ten things

2006-08-22T22:29:00.000-07:00

Inspired by my favorite heathen, Whitters, here is a list of 10 statistically improbable things I've done (or things I've done that most people haven't):

1. Been bitten by 6 dogs. All at different times. All traumatic!
2. Had a baby in high school.
3. Dropped out of high school.
4. Got my tubes tied at age 22.
5. Gone to college. At age 34.
6. Flown an airplane.
7. Gotten arrested.
8. Been stalked.
9. Live 400 steps from the Pacific Ocean.
10. Owned and ridden a motorcycle as my only form of transport.

Dang, I'm special! Just like you! What 10 things have you done that are different than the rest of us?

Booger-free since 10:33!

2006-08-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

The biggest news I have to report today is: I can breathe. For real! And I don't have any boogers!

Other than that, there is simply too much to write about. I am seriuosly scatter-brained and preoccupied. I don't know what's worse: not knowing what to write about or not knowing how to type!

This sharp redcution in typing abilities is a result of one or more of the following reasons:

I'm heartbroken that my daughter left Friday to go back up to Seattle for the school year; or

Bogie's party Saturday left me slightly brain-damaged, either because the food was mind-blowing, the vodka was plentiful or because we imbibed in something called Mandragora which was strangely Listerine-like but gave us a buzz like nothing else and is quite possibly poisonous; or

The crepes at La Gallete on Sunday morning were heavenly; or

I got too much sun on the beach Sunday afternoon; or

My husband had too many Irish car bombs at our friends' house last night which made me drunk through osmosis; or

The vicodin I took this morning for Round 3 of Evil Sadistic Torture at the Hands of my Mean, Nasty and Totally Incomprehensible Doctor has not worn off yet.

Who cares, really? I'm just happy to be breathing properly!

The Macaroon Appreciation Society

2006-08-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Here is a recipe for the cookies that I'm craving! Martha Stewart Living Parisian Macaroons

I am seriously going to start a Macaroon Appreciation Society. My mission? To make sure that every man, woman and child experiences the sublimity that is Les Macarons!

I did grow up eating American-style coconut macaroons which are easily found on the Keebler aisle at your supermarket and they certainly hold a dear, dear place in my childhood memories. My Granny (my paternal great-grandmother) always had coconut macaroons on hand. However! Once I had a Parisian Macaroon, I completely blocked the old-fashioned American ones out of my mind. (My bad!) I will surely be sent to Guantanamo for treason now! I just hope they respect my Macaroon Wishes there. According to my new-found spiritual beliefs, I must have a diet consisting solely of authentic Parisian Macaroons.

Parisian Macaroons are little bite-size pastries that are very light and melt in your mouth and have an intense but delicate flavor. There is an indescribably good, light, creamy filling sandwiched beween two cookies. They usually come in a wide variety of flavors. I think they might have crack in them, too, because you cannot eat just one. They are quite expensive usually but they are orgasmically good. Quite simply, they are the perfect cookie and I am on the verge of selling a kidney so that I can fly to Paris and buy some at Ladure'e!

Thankfully, I can keep my kidney. I know there must be pastry shops in LA so I can make a trip up there and I understand from LuckyBuzz's top-notch research that they originated in Italy and that makes me happy, too, because my friend, the Hahvahd-edumacated Bogie, introduced me to a North End Boston bakery which will ship Italian-style Macaroons to me!! Mike's Pastry! I am so ordering a dozen (or two or three!).

It's been over a year since my last macaroon. Something must be done! Or I need a new obsession to make me forget this one.

C'est tout! A biento^t!

ADIDAM

2006-08-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

All Day I Dream About Macaroons.

When they operated on my nose, I am pretty sure they removed part of my brain, too. I'm at work (I won't even tell you about getting my sutures removed yesterday - sans anesthetic!) and doing fine. As fine as one can be with only part of a brain. Observe the weird obsession I've acquired:

The other night I had a dream about macaroons and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them. I don't know a place nearby that sells them so I might just have to make some. Except I don't really have the right equipment for macaroon making. Or the ingredients. I guess I'll have to dream smaller - like Pillsbury Sugar Cookies from the biscuit aisle at the store. They're not the same thing though.

Anyone know where I can get a good macaroon?

And don't say Paris, or I'll punch you in the face!

I'm Bi...

2006-08-13T17:31:00.000-07:00

Bi-dominant brained, silly people. jeesh! I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not right-brained or left-brained - basically I'm a lame brain, but they didn't test for that!

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (46%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (52%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

"Overall you appear to have fairly Equal Hemispheres"

Found (link and image) and lifted from Jim's place!

While I'm waiting...

2006-08-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

While I'm waiting to... smile again, laugh, sniffle, snort, breathe, and blow, here's a kitten picture show:

The first step is admitting you've got a problem.
"My problem is I don't like all these ice cubes in my cranberry & vodka."

Pooka and Pi make out. Or wrestle, I can't tell which.

Headlock!
(Bonus points to anyone who can name the movie that's on the tele.)

"There's something on your face. Here let me get it off."

My dew dose id stubbed ub

2006-08-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

I am feeling soooo much better! As long as I do nothing, I am feeling fine. If I get up and go somewhere, I feel a little funny and my nose gets ucky. However, it is looking great (almost back to, or better than, normal) and you can't tell how yucky it is inside from the picture but trust me, it's gross. The worst part is that it is full of icky stuff, like dried blood and boogers, but I am not allowed to blow, sniffle or pick my nose so I have to just let it be. Do you know how hard that is? Oh man, it's hard. I will fully admit to picking my nose when no one is looking, but now I can't pick or anything or I risk injury or infection and there is no way in hell I'm going through any of that again so I'll just deal with it. Gah. Plus, it's hard to talk when you have stuff in your nose. I sound like I have a bad cold. boo.

Sometime in the next few days, I hope to be able to go out in public without holding a piece of gauze to my nose. In the meantime, here is a picture of my progress.

I still have tape holding my nose in place and I still can't smile properly. My face is sort of slightly swollen in front but you can't really tell. I was in surgery only 3 days ago. What a weird couple of days. Now that i've survived this, what on earth am I going to blog about?! =)

A breath of fresh air

2006-08-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

It's about 48 hours post-op and I am starting to feel pretty darn good. This morning I visisted the ~~medieval torture chamber~~ doctor's office had the packing removed from my nose. That was definitely the Most. Traumatic. Procedure. Ever. OMG, that was horrible. Thankfully, it is a very short, quick procedure and I was on a big old dose of pain killers so it was bearable. Plus, my husband was there and my doctor gave me a big hug afterward! So while it was freaky and I hope you never have to do that, it was also nice to get hugs!

Anyway, my nose is looking pretty good and when the Dr. removed the packing and cleaned my new nostrils out, he told me to take a breath. Wow. I mean WOW! I have never breathed like that. The doctor said it would take about 10 days for the swelling to go down and then I will be able to breathe like that all the time. Wow. What a difference. Until then, I'll have crusty, boogery, slightly swollen nostrils. That's hot, huh?!! That might even be HOTT with an extra 'T'. Who wants to make out with me?

I will probably post a picture and a more coherent post tomorrow. I'm weaning off the vicodin now. Did you know that it's really easy to quit coffee and cigarettes when you're on Vicodin! Yay. Once I wean off the dope, I'm seriously going to try to stay off the smokes and resume my caffiene addiction. Wish me luck on that!

24 hours later...

2006-08-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for your wonderful thoughts! They really mean a lot to me. For those just tuning in, I had a septoplasty yesterday to repair what they thought was a deviated septum. I am going to try to recap the day but since I am seriously in pain and on vicodin, it will probably come out like "bleimo meep hilzie bmehfp al;fjieil!"

Pre-op was great. Mr. Q kept my mind off the surgery and my spirits were high. We joked around and I did a hospital gown fashion show. When the anesthesiologist came in, I was as cool as a cucumber.

I don't remember anything about the next two hours. But apparently the surgery took twice as long and they broke my face twice as much. When I came to, I felt like I had been beaten about the nose with crowbars, and then repeatedly kicked, and for good measure someone had an elephant stand on my nose just to make sure it was completely obliterated. On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain was at least a 23. I am not exaggerating. I thought I had a high tolerance for pain but I have never had pain in my face like this. If I had had the facial coordination to do so, I would have been cursing like a sailor.

Why did it take them 2 hours, instead of 1? Technically, they thought I had your garden variety deviated septum caused by a nose injury earlier in life. When they got all up in there, they decided it was congenital nasal stenosis which I think is a fancy way of saying I was born with a way crooked nose. Why this makes a difference still hasn't been fully explained to me, or maybe it was but the Vicodin has made it impossible for me to understand much of anything.

Back to post-op: I was fully expecting to have stuff up my nose, and I was actually a little jazzed to have tampons in my nose, because not everyone gets to say they had tampons up their nose. But nobody told me that I was going to have a giant, swollen nose, packed to the max with godknowswhat, and two tubes hanging out so I can breathe. As an added fashion bonus, I get to have a "moustache tray" filled with gauze right below my nose to catch all the blood and stuff dripping out of my nose. I am not only feeling like shit, but I am looking like a freak to boot. I would post pictures but I don't think you want to see that. Seriously.

On a positive note, my husband has been amazing! He has waited on me hand and foot, supplied me with a steady stream of drugs, and brought me yummy things to eat and drink. Our friend, Bogie, brought me Cherry Garcia last night and he didn't even laugh at me or run away shrieking at my hideousness!

(Super Totally Awesome Bonus: My daughter, Princess Jojo, has a friend we'll call Nick and she chose last night to bring him home to meet us. Nick is super cute and super sweet and he'll never know what a hottie Jojo's mom is because he met me looking like this:

hahahahaha. ow. Don't make me laugh, it hurts!)

It was a truly difficult day and much worse than I even imagined it was going to be. I scarcely recall ever feeling this bad ever, but I hope it gets better. I think I am feeling a little bit better already. I really hope it was worth it but for now the jury is still out!

Official Whirled Peas Freak Out

2006-08-07T16:07:00.000-07:00

Here we go. I have less than 24 hours to go until they break my face tomorrow morning. The deviated septum? It's not so bad. I've lived with it this long. So what if my nose whistles when I breathe? It's not the worst thing I can imagine! I think I can still chicken out. But first, I should create the old pro/con list. This is a medical procedure but as far as I know it's still elective.

Pros:
I'll be able to breathe right
I won't snore as much
My nose will look a little straighter
I'll get to eat ice cream and sleep for 3 days after surgery
Narcotics!

Imaginary Pros:
I will look even more beautiful (as if that is even possible!! HA!)
I won't have trouble trimming my nose hairs on one side that is much narrower than the other (as if that will ever be necessary! My nose hairs are never noticeable at all!)

Cons:
Pain
Suffering
General anesthesia
Packing and splints in my nostrils for several days (as Craig described it: Tampons in my nose! Thanks Craig!)
Bleeding
Puking
Narcotics - I'm not a big fan of being heavily medicated. Anything stronger than vodka freaks me out a little.

Imaginary Cons:
My nose will come out looking like WC Fields' nose or worse, Michael Jackson's nose, even though they aren't supposed to change anything AT ALL cosmetically.
I could DIE!!! during surgery and that's why I had to fill out an Advance Directive.
It won't make a bit of difference and I'll go through all the pain but still not be able to breathe normally.
I will be bored at home during recovery.
No one will come visit me at home.
No one will bring me Ben & Jerry's at home.

Well, well. It appears that my Pro list is waaaay shorter than my Con list. The only question is, do the pros OUTWEIGH the cons. I can't really tell. Oh no. I'm skeered.

Hold me.

Countdown Meme

2006-08-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

It's Monday (and 5 days since my last motor vehicle breakdown - yay!). I don't want to freak out about anything so I'm depersonalizing it a little by making it a meme!

5 - # of days since last car breakdown. Please knock on wood, now! Thanks!

1 - # of days until septoplasty. I am not freaking out. I am not freaking out. I am not freaking out. *rocking back & forth*

1 - # of head injuries sustained on Saturday when an errant basketball whacked me on top of the head causing me to cry. Afterward, my cry button was permanently on, so I ended up crying pretty much all day at everything! Good, bad, indifferent - it didn't matter, I was teary eyed the rest of the day. For instance, while eating Chinese food, I cried when I saw the most perfect looking eggroll ever. I was emotional. I seem to have recovered now.

3 - # of days since my boss & his wife ran into me and my handsome and teh nice friend and co-worker, Bogie (he of drunken home remodeling fame), walking to dinner. Awkward! You see, Mr. Q had a work party and all of our other friends were busy so me & Bogie walked up to a pizza place. Totally innocent. My boss is kind of like a father to me, though, so I am waiting for the lecture on proper conduct for married women. Pshaw! As if!

5 - # of days until the Lush Party where I get to meet Lori!! I'm still waiting to hear from the rest of you. Come on, you know you wanna go!! It's not too late to sign up.

4 - # of hours until I go home from work today and start my week off! Yay? I'll let you know post-op unless I'm too doped up to navigate Blogger. Wish me luck!

But wait! It gets better!

2006-08-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

I actually made it home last night. In a car that belongs to me! One car, no tow trucks!! What a novel concept! I was so happy about that. But, in my excitement over not breaking down, I forgot to go to the bank and deposit some cash and now..... drumroll, please....... I'm overdrawn!!! By $7. Yeesssss. That is AWESOME.

Has my week been trying enough? No way! Not even close!

This morning Pre-op visit #1 was at 8:45. I blazed out of bed at 8:05, out the door at 8:10 and pulled into the medical center parking lot RIGHT ON TIME! No coffee, no cigarette, no makeup, no deordorant. But I was pretty close to appointment time, so I was cool with all the forgetting of the morning hygiene and wake up ritual stuff. I walk into the building, press the elevator button, go in, press floor 6, walk down the hall, open the door to the doctor's office and............. no one is there! They sort of forgot to tell me the doctor is in his OTHER office on Friday mornings. DOUBLE AWESOME!

The funniest part about that is his other office is 10 minutes closer to my house than the office I went to! Hahahahaha. I'm so stoked right about now. And so wishing I had taken everyone's advice and just stayed in bed!

I get back in my car, race the other way down the freeway and casually waltz in around 9:15. The visit went well and my old skool doctor says there is nothing to worry about, just show up at surgery on Tuesday. My nose will look the same afterwards but I'll be able to breathe right. So, all in all, a very fruitful (but seemingly unnecessary) visit.

Pre-op visit #2 was right next door but I arrived an hour early for that. I figured I'd have to wait but, much to my surprise, they saw me early, took my information and the next thing I have to do is show up on Tuesday. I was a little freaked out about the Advance Directive though because when they ask for your Advance Directive it's only natural to think "OMG!! I am going to DIE in surgery! Or worse! I'll be a vegetable and then Congress will have to get involved and I don't want to be on TV without makeup on."

I'm now at work diligently getting caught up on my work - what? you can't tell? - to get ready for the big scary nose surgery on Tuesday and then home for the rest of the week. I'll either be too doped up to care about blogging or I'll be bored out of my mind and blogging every five minutes. It'll probably go something like this: "Waaah. My nose hurts." "Waaah. I don't feel good." "Waaah. Someone needs to bring me Ben & Jerry's." (Cherry Garcia is my favorite kind, by the way.)

I know my problems are small in the grand scheme of things, but I think I've filled my Hassle Quota for the week. Hope y'all have a great weekend. I'll write the Pre-op Freak Out Post on Monday. 'Til then, toodles!

It is Awesome to be Me!

2006-08-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Wednesday. I woke up and thought "Gee, you know what would be awesome today? I'd really like to go to the doctor and get stuck with needles. And since I haven't been stranded on the side of the road in the last 24 hours, I really hope my newly fixed car breaks down so I can flirt with handsome tow truck drivers!"

Lucky me!!! I totally got my wishes! (Except for the cute flirtatious tow truck driver - that didn't happen this time.)

Tuesday afternoon, the hospital called me to say surgery was scheduled for August 8th. A whole 7 days away. Woohoo. Thanks for the advanced notice! HMOs, you rock my world!

You may not be aware of my facial deformity, but I have this pesky crooked nose that needs to be straightened so I can look pretty and breathe right. Anyway, in order to get all my ducks in a row, I have to have 3 pre-op appointments before Friday. The first one was yesterday (Wednesday). They violently jabbed my arm with a needle and took about 4 dozen vials of blood.

As if that weren't enough pain and suffering for one week, I have to go back in today to get more blood drawn. Because they didn't get enough! Wow, where do I send the Thank You card?

And because breaking down on Monday night just wasn't suffcient enough to dampen my irrational enthusiasm for driving a Saab, I had the distinct pleasure of standing on the side of the freeway AGAIN last night!!! I was only 3 miles from home but my car crapped out on me. Again. My new car. The really pretty one that is really fast and is so much fun to drive. When it's running that is. This time it wasn't on empty or anywhere even close so I know it's not my fault. I am pretty sure I wasn't actually out of gas Monday, come to think of it.

Like the good ~~ass-lickers~~ professional car dealers they are, they put me in another loaner car and called me first thing this morning to say it was a Tech Error and TOTALLY THEIR FAULT. Apparently, when they replaced my fuel pump on Tuesday, they accidentally kinked the gas line. Niiiiiiiice! I wonder what they're going to do to it this time. Maybe it's because I'm so darn cute, they can't stand the thought of going more than 2 days without seeing my face or hearing my sweet voice on the phone. (How sad is it that they are #1 on my speed dial now? And how sad is it that I still want this car?)

Anyway, for those keeping score at home: that's two breakdowns in one week, needles and paperwork for surgery. Apologies to VH1, but I think I am definitely having the BEST WEEK EVER!!

Saab: 2
Me: 0

Lush Part-ay - August 12th

2006-08-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

My Lush idea happens to coincide with the Grand Opening of the Universal City Walk Store which means it will be crazy but also a lot of fun. Soooooo, if you want to stock up on Lush, get a super secret Lush item and meet some fun Blogging Babes, email me and let me know! I'll be there! In a black dress and a wig. I hope I can find an Afro wig because I've always wanted to have an Afro.**

**In order to receive the Top Secret Custom Made Lush Goodie, we have to wear all black and wear a wig.

Email me if you want to meet me there! ms dot quilty at gmail dot com. I have 2 spots left and I just need your name to put you on the guest list at the Lush store.

38 Miles to Empty: A Saab Story

2006-08-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

My excitement about the new car quickly faded, no wait - was completely dashed, destoyed, obliterated - last night as I spent some Quality Time with the side of the freeway. During rush hour traffic and well into the late, late evening. Do you know what kind of garbage is on the side of the freeway? Do you know what 4 (as in F-O-U-R) hours of standing in the dirt on the side of the road in heels does to your feet?

OK, I didn't spend all 4 hours in the dirt, I spent a lot of it in my car, but my feet did hurt by the end of the night.

On one hand, I was pissed off that my computer LIED to me. Did you know? Computers lie! I was really, really pissed off that I trusted it. And it betrayed me. It's one thing when a person lies to you because you know at least they have a ~~good~~ reason (like wanting to screw you over) but it's an entirely different thing when a computer lies. They have no ulterior motive. Or do they? Matrix, here we come.

On the other hand, there are some pretty nice people out there. So, my faith in humanity is partially restored.

Thirty-eight miles to empty. HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one! *knee slap* *snort* Hohohohooooooooooo! *wipes tear from eye* heheheheee. Shucks! You're so cute when you lie.

So, I'm talking to my mom on my cell phone when suddenly the gas pedal stops working. The car feels really heavy and I'm all like "My new car, blah blah blah, reliable and cute, blah blah blah. Hey, I should let you go so I can focus on driving!".

OMG! WTF!!! I got PWND by my CAR!

I pull over, ever so gracefully and with all the subtelty of a drunken ho in a bar during Fleet Week. And then... I spend the next 4 hours - as I said it was 4 hours, as in 5:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. On a MONDAY - on my cell phone with various car dealers, roadside assistance people, the CHP, and in person with various good samaritans, roadside assistance people and the CHP. When my husband came to hang out with me while I waited for a freaking TOW truck, I was on the verge of tears.

Apparently, when your new-to-you SAAB says 38 miles to empty, it's really more of a guideline than a hard and fast rule. Also, apparently, when you run out of gas, and your car is fuel injected, a pesky little thing called "vapor lock" happens which makes it impossible to start your car after filling it with 5 gallons of gas (thank you to the CHP! and Roadside Assistance Guy!).

Anyway. I'm driving a loaner car now and even though it's a convertible, I am not happy about it.

In other good news, I now know that I have no trouble attracting attention (or phone numbers) when I am stranded on the side of the freeway. I had a number of kindly gentlemen (and one scary dude/freak) stop to see if I needed any help. It turns out that I exude all of the confidence a Damsel in Distress needs in our modern times. Long hair? Check. Long legs? Check. High heels? Check. Nevermind that I have Roadside Assistance and the CHP is already assisting me! Thankyouverymuch.

Saab: 1
Me: 0

Next time, I'm buying a VESPA!

STICKY: Calling all Local Lush Addicts

2006-08-01T09:36:00.000-07:00

You may know that I live somewhere in the vicinity of southern California but you probably don't know that I have a nascent addiction to Lush. And, tragically, I am on the verge of a Stage 3 Lush Emergency.

Open the post for the deets.

Since I, sadly, do not have unlimited funds to order Lush online and take a chance on products I don't know yet, I am planning to make a trip to the ~~Santa Monica~~ Universal City Walk store sometime in August. That way I can buy the products that I absolutely cannot live without and stock up for fall.

I know lots of you are also Lush addicts and some of you even live nearby so I am proposing a Lush Meet-up at the ~~Santa Monica~~ Universal City Walk store or perhaps the Beverly Hills store. [update: Santa Monica is closed for remodeling] I am thinking about Saturday, August 19th but that could change depending on lots of things. We welcome Lush Curious people, too. If you've been afraid to take the Lush plunge, this would also be a good way to check them out. Fair warning: you cannot escape the siren call of Lush once you've been exposed.

We could meet at the store and then have a coffee or lunch date after. Or we could go later in the afternoon and go out for martinis after. It would be a great way to stock up on (or get introduced to) Lush and meet some fellow bloggers.

Rules and restrictions may apply. No purchase necessary to attend. You need not be a current Lush addict to attend. Whirled Peas cannot be held responsible for any future addictions to Lush that you may develop. This is not sponsored in any way by Lush. Blogger does not guarantee that you will find her nearly as cute, witty or amusing in real life. Stalkers and freaks permitted on a case-by-case basis with prior authorization.

Email me (ms dot quilty at gmail dot com) or leave a comment. Tell your friends. I'll announce the details at a later date (when at least one person has responded - *ahem* Lori *ahem*).

Sooo? What say you? First Annual SoCal BloggerMeetupLushShoppingTrip 2006. Who's in?

I Carpe Diemed myself right into the poor house

2006-07-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

In a thrilling yet terrifying turn of events, I decided that having a leaky radiator hose was an unmistakable sign that I needed to trade in my old Saab and get a new Saab. Say hello to my new ~~grounds for divorce~~ ride:

Sweet!

My checkbook is clearly not as enthused about this purchase as I am but I can hide the checkbook in the bottom of a drawer and ignore it. I am the one who has to drive, so my checkbook's feelings in the matter are of only minor importance. Since it is virtually impossible to live here without a car, I might as well have the best one I can afford (I use that term loosely!), right? You only live once! You don't regret the things you do, just the things you don't do. Carpe diem. Et cetera. I am hoping that repetitive use of cliches will be enough to justify my impulsivity!

But man, it's a nice ride! Driving it is a real pleasure. Plus, I look pretty darn cute driving it!

Caption Contest Winner

2006-07-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

Sadly, I don't have any fantastic prizes to offer, but I will buy myself a lottery ticket and share the winnings with the Caption Contest Winner........ Whitters! They were all good and I give an Honorable Mention to Craig for his hilarious Sanford & Son reference.

Best use of a Romeo & Juliet Quote Award goes to Whitters: "O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die."

Not only was that MY response initially, but mad props to Whitters for her ability to quote Shakespeare in an unlimited variety of situations. That's a skill that you just don't see everyday.

The AWWWWW How Cute Award category is a tie:

Beth said: "See Mom? I'm getting so big that I can reach past the crack in the cushion while my feet are touching the back!"

Aubrie said: "Maybe if I strike this ever so dramatic, soap-opera-esqe pose, my human parents will take pity on me and give me Meow Mix!"

And the Best Use of a Sanford & Son reference goes to Craig:

Craig said: "It's the big one. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm comin' to join you."

Thanks for playing! And remember, everyone is a winner really! (Y'all rock!)

Hazards of Beach Living

2006-07-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

Living at the beach normally means perfect summer nights with the windows open and the sound of the surf lulling us into peaceful slumber. Something about the heat is making everybody crazy aggro and it's starting to make me a little cranky!

We are going on the 3rd straight week of 150 degree weather. Every store west of the Mississipi had sold clean out of any kind of air moving device by the time we figured out that it was too hot to sleep. Meanwhile, our neighbors, the delightful and gorgeous people that they are, have managed to destroy any remaining shred of faith in humanity I might have had even a tenuous grip on. They have clearly unburdened themselves of any sense of self-awareness or courtesy for the rest of us hard-workin' folk. It's been impossible to sleep between the heat and the sounds of hot, irritable, drunk people and their excessively loud televisions.

The most effective way to deal with ~~the idiots~~ our fabulous neighbors, is by going out with friends and drinking. Or going to barbeques and coming back to our place for drinks. Or going out to concerts and drinking. Or going out to dinner followed by more drinking. Tonight? I went to a concert at the beach and saw the most beautiful sunset. There was actually no drinking tonight because we all need a day off from that once in a while. But, vodka and blackberry lemonade (my new favorite drink) does seem to improve my coping skills somehow. In fact, I think I'll go make one now. And then I'll take a walk on the beach with my Lov-ah!

All of this has severely affected my ability to get any work done. You know, bills to pay, notices to noisy neighbors to write and deliver, laundry, dishes, summer reading, catching up on tv shows I missed last season. It's all on the back, back, back burner.

Wait. This is a problem, how?

(By the way, can someone do a little dance to the cool weather gods for us? This is getting nuts.)

Lance Bass -- Out of the Closet

2006-07-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

Lance Bass -- Out of the Closet - TMZ.com

Isn't that a little bit like announcing that the Pope is Catholic?

I thought all of the members of 'N Sync were gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Caption this

2006-07-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

My kitten sleeps in some, um, interesting positions. Caption this photo. (Click to embiggen.) Best caption wins*!

*One hundred Billion dollars! mwahahahaha! As soon as I find out what #2 did with all that money.

Pooka says...

2006-07-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

oh my aching head!

Hammering while Hammered

2006-07-24T11:18:00.000-07:00

No time to really write, I just wanted to document the drunken hammerfest at our house last night! It wasn't a drunken rock-n-roll gropefest a la Luckybuzz (darn) but it was a drunken rock-n-roll post-barbeque home decorating project!

Mr. Q, a friend (who will remain nameless until I get permission to pseudonymously refer to them), and I, went over to a barbeque and after a few beers came back to our place for more beer & vodka drinks and Duran Duran and the Greco-Roman Kitty Wrestling Finals which somehow led to a discussion and analysis of our art display which led to an inexplicable and overwhelming desire for Mr. Q to rearrange said art display with the guidance of our slightly inebriated but muy talented design friend.

Synopsis:
Beer - $6
Vodka & Cranberry - $12
Hammering at 10:30 p.m. on a Sunday night - priceless

After the chosen objets d'art were rearranged, Mr. Q stood back to admire his work but then exclaimed "I don't really like it". I think he does, he just doesn't know it yet.

Anyway, if our neighbors didn't like us before, they really aren't going to be fond of us now. But since they loved us with every fiber of their being before yesterday, I think they'll forgive us. Plus they owe us for all those nights we tried to sleep while they talked and laughed outside our window at all hours of the night! Payback, baby. She's a bitch.

So many pet peeves, so little time

2006-07-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

Blog neglect! Blog neglect! Call BPS (Blog Protection Services).

Is it maybe time for Whirled Peas Random Bullets of ~~Crap~~ News (WPRBoN or Whipperbon if you say it phonetically)? Oh, yes, I think it is.

Game Show News: I am a panelist for the second week at Mikey's famous Hey Freak! Edition of Match Game. Go play it now! And check back later to see what my answers were. Pet peeve: thinking of more clever answers after submitting them!

Spontaneously Impulsive Event for Thursday (and also the longest run-on sentences yet): Real life, actual friends (yes, I have them) invited me and the Meester to see Gnarls Barkley last night and we graciously accepted because we didn't have any plans yet that couldn't easily be changed. Review: The sound mix sort of sucked and the people in the audience sucked even more (Orange County, home of the most obnoxious concert goers ever! Don't they know that there are children in India who never get to go to Gnarls Barkley concerts and would it kill them to STFU and actually pay attention so that those around them can kind of sort of hear the concert instead of their loud drunken cackling?) but the band was really fun and entertaining and I am eagerly awaiting my copy of the CD to listen to compulsively and also, it is kind of a strange bonus that my teenage daughter was actually jealous of me doing something so hip and cool and so now and so wow. Pet Peeve: Loud, obnoxious people who pay money to attend a concert but spend the whole time talking and laughing with each other to the point where you can't hear the music anymore.

Sad news from the homefront: My grandma is in the hospital again. Boo. Pet Peeve: Old age and getting sick.

Even sadder news from the homefront and also the cause for my impending Nervous Breakdown: My son got orders to a middle eastern country that starts with an "Ir" and end with an "aq" and he is deploying some time within the next 8 weeks. Boo! I thought it was postponed indefinitely, which in my mind meant Forever, but apparently plans change. Also, the military leaders who made that decision suck big donkey balls. But only because I am taking it personally. Pet Peeve: Really, must I even explain this one?

I need lots of love and support and pictures of kittens to cheer me up, y'all. Have a good weekend, mkay? Do it for all those people in the world who aren't getting one.

Pet Peeves, The Meme

2006-07-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is incredibly apropos because yesterday I drafted a post about my pet peeves. I didn't want to sound all crabby ('n shit) because it was Monday and everyone is crabby enough as it is and I really wanted to make a more positive contribution to the internets.

Anyway. I finally got caught up on blog reading and saw this meme at Jesse's and Clare's. Here goes my list of peeves for this Tuesday:

Grammatical pet-peeve: I hate when people use "irregardless". Gah! I also really detest it when people add "'n shit" after every other noun phrase or verb phrase. As in, "we went to the store 'n shit and bought some fuckin' beer 'n shit". Also, "fuckin'". Learn some new words, geniuses! If you're buying Beer and Shit at the store, I want to know where so I can avoid it.

Household pet peeve: Basically, I get really uptight about everything household related. Cat hair everywhere? You're going to the pound!!! Clothes on the floor? Someone must die! Stuff that doesn't get put back where it came from? Heads might roll. Dirty dishes in the sink? Well, I might leave those for a little while, but only glasses or cups, not dinner dishes. I hate dirt, dust, crooked things, stacks of mail, and cds out of alphabetical order. Yeah, I'm a real joy to live with! Luckily my hubs is equally as anal as me. We are Mr. & Mrs. Anal. Nice to meet you!
Arts & Entertainment pet peeve: Ryan Seacrest. The end.

Liturgical pet peeve: I guess it would be singing. I can't sing in key to save my life and I feel really bad when I'm just standing there listening to everyone else singing in (or out of) key. I just can't sing in public so I end up mouthing the words. Lame, I know!

Wild card: I am mystified by the random nature of fast food soft drink sizes when ordered in the drive-thru. Still with me? I never know how big a "small" is so when I order a "small" at, say, Arby's and it's only 4 oz. I am really annoyed especially if I am really thirsty. Other times, I'm not terribly thirsty but I'll order a medium and it's the size of a super, super, super, mega Big Gulp. Can we just standardize soft drink sizes? You know, small is 8 oz., medium is 12 and large is whatever. Also, Starbucks and their retarded "tall", "grande" and "venti" sizes. I am annoyed by this on behalf of all the people who are too intimidated to order.

Bonus: What could I possibly do that may irritate others? Nothing! I am perfect! Ha. I keed. Do you want the whole list or just the top 10?!!! I think by virtue of breathing, I annoy many people. I'm fast and impatient, I explain everything 3 times (I think that will make me a good professor, though), I know waaaaayyyyy too much trivia to really be any fun, I take myself waaaayyyyy too seriously, I breathe through my nose (loudly), I smoke, I put on makeup while driving, I can't go anywhere without a cup of coffee in my hand, I pay my bills late, I wear the same 3 outfits all the time (I think this only annoys Mr. Q), see #2 above... well, you get the picture.

Whew. That was cathartic! I feel so much better getting all that off my chest. I have more peeves these days than I could possibly cover in one post. I have a lot of grammatical pet peeves but I have been a lot better lately about letting it bother me. I am a linguist, yo. I am descriptive, not prescriptive. I embrace grammatical diversity! I ain't shittin' you or nothin'. I love to hear people talk 'n shit!

Show and Tell, #3

2006-07-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

I have been physically away from computers (and therefore, blogs) since Friday - we went away for a quick, quick trip to a big, beautiful house where we spent almost the entire time in the pool. I don't have many good photos from that because I was kind of having too much fun to think about taking pictures.

Anyway, more of you ask and I show picture blogging:

First, Richard of Forbidden Planet, which is also the name of an ahead-of-its-time motion picture in the 50s, asked me for a picture of my books. These are the books that are unpacked. Really not that impressive!

Second, Beth of My Two Cents (the rockingest cpa in all the land) asked for my favorite picture of me (of all time) which is impossible to choose but this was the first one I thought of 'cause it's just freaking adorable and groovy. I am the little one and the other two would be my parents:

And finally, Dylan of the award winning Something Requisitely Witty and Urbane, who needs to blog more but is working on a journalism degree and is going to thank me in his Pulitzer Prize acceptance speech, asked me for a picture of my three vices. Two are strong, strong crippling addictions and one is more of a weakness more than a vice:

Vice #1 - coffee
Vice #2 - cigarettes
Vice #3 - vases!

Show and Tell, Part deux

2006-07-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

Luckybuzz wanted a photo of an article of clothing that makes me feel powerful or sexy. I can't really think of any clothes I have that are that remarkable, but I feel like a movie star in these sunglasses:

It's all about accessorizing, darling!

And, just because I love this picture (it freaks me out a little) I am posting my own request which is a picture I like to call "kitten doing yoga":

This would be the Corkscrew position.

Show and Tell

2006-07-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

I had some crazy-ass requests yesterday, not to be confused with crazy ass-requests, and I have yet to blatantly turn one down. I am sad to report that my Mullet Picture has proven very hard to find. I think the fashion police may have broken into my house and stolen it for their museum of regettable hairstyles. I know I could have posted a picture of me in a Permed Mullet, but I am really not that brave!

However, tonight I will unlock my storage bin and look through the boxes there for the famous mullet picture I promised and for which everyone has been clamoring.

The rest however, were pretty easy:

Mikey wanted a picture of me vogueing. Voila! I tried to strike a pose but I really just ended up looking retarded.

Erratic Prophet wanted to see my favorite shoes and made sure to add the disclaimer that she is not a foot fetishist (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

My favorite work/dress shoes (which I love so much, I have stapled the broken strap on them twice so that I can keep wearing them):

My favorite goof-off/weekend shoes are these:

Rude Cactus Chris wanted to see a place in my home that is most "me" or where I write and get inspired. Don't judge my bad photography, this was taken at 6:30 this morning, pre-2nd cup of coffee, the light isn't the best and I had to crop out my husband who is sitting on the other end of the big green sofa. This is my corner of the living room, laptop, feet up on the ottoman, sipping coffee and watching the tube (BBC or CNN or Daily Show from the night before), staring out the window, and listening to wild parrots in the neighborhood.

Finally, Danielle, she of the supermegaawesome Pop Culture skillz and deep and abiding love of the 80s, asked for a pic of the inside of my fridge. I rarely even see the inside of my fridge, but here it is! The most notable things in there at the moment: A bottle of 1994 Dom Perrignon chilling for just the right occassion, a fresh canteloupe that I meant to cut this morning, and leftovers from Mr. Q's birthday dinner on Wednesday night. I don't know whose glass of orange juice that could be sitting on the top shelf but when I find out I will have to give them 40 lashings with a wet noodle because, ew, open glasses of orange juice in the refigerator. Bad bad bad.

Coming soon... more!

Busy Bodies Getting Nowhere

2006-07-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, Luckybuzz, and Bright Star and Jesse, among others, were doing a charming little meme-type thing (the Totally Self-absorbed Meme) wherein they posted pictures of things their adoring fans wanted to see. Brilliant! Totally cool time killer! I was kind of busy at the time, but things have come to a screeching halt here in Q-ville so I am belatedly jumping on that bandwagon!

Here are the rules:
1. You can ask me for a picture of anything (obviously, about me, my world, or my life).
2. I can oblige your request or tell you to keep dreaming, whichever is more appropriate!

Example:
Adoring Fan #1 wants to see a picture of my kitten doing yoga. No problem!
Adoring Fan #2 wants to see naked pictures of me doing yoga. Problem!
Adoring Fan #3 wants to see my desk at work. No Problem!
Adoring Fan #4 wants to see a picture of the company where I work. Problem!

You can figure it out, I think. You all know what I look like already, so pictures of me aren't out, per se, but anything really embarrassing will probably be completely disregarded!

Ready? Go. Ask away! What have you been dying to see?

Proof that getting older can be super sexy!

2006-07-12T12:17:00.000-07:00

So, I'm married to this hot guy, right? You may remember him from such posts as this. I happen to think he is more handsome and more sexy than when we met 15 years ago (and he was a hottie back then, let me tell you!).

And? Today is his Birthday! He is by no means old and he by no means looks old, but he is extraordinarily wise. Also? He's pretty much my favorite person in the world. I actually think these are some of the best years of our lives. And I hope we have many, many more together!

Happy Birthday, Beebs! You rock my world. Still!

Getting older can suck it!

2006-07-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

You know you're getting older when...

you throw your hip out just climbing into the Jeep.
you stay up until 3 a.m. Friday night and sleep until 3 p.m. the next day. And you're still tired.
you hear yourself saying to your 17-year old "I've never heard of that band".
you hear yourself saying to your husband "OMG, these kids sure listen to awful music these days!"
you talk about the consistency and frequency of your poop on a daily basis.

Oh, I could go on, but you get the picture. It's starting to look pretty grim! I did, however, not only get carded on Friday night, but after I went all the way back home to get my ID, the bartender scrutinized it for a really long time and still thought it was FAKE! W00t! The backstory is simply that we went to a little party and all decided to go out to karaoke. Since I had walked to the party, I didn't have my ID with me. I thought I could get into the bar but... no. I thought then that I could sneak in through the side door, but no! I actually had to go all the way home, get my id and go back. We sang a Bob Marley song. I bought a beer, but only barely. Exciting, eh? Anyway, people apparently think I look 12. That's cool, I guess.

I am wondering what's more important (or better), looking young or feeling young? I guess we take whatever we can get, right?

Speaking of being young, I have had numerous conversations recently about my mullet history. When I was about 14 to 15, I had a mullet. In my defense, it was 1983 and it was Texas. I have been challenged to post a picture of me rocking the mullet and as soon as I find one, I will be scanning it and publicly humilating myself with it!

The Long Weekend Picture Show

2006-07-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just had the longest and bestest weekend ever! Five days away from work. I was almost too shocked to enjoy it! I could give you the blow by blow, but I'd rather just give you the picture show. Hope your 4th was terrific!

Me & the Princess (Jojo) at a sidewalk cafe. Mr. Q took the picture. Due to overwhelming modesty, he isn't appearing in the pictures of the weekend festivities.

We went to the beach every day. The water was perfect!

We amused ourselves with kittens and salty snacks. High quality, cheap entertainment.

We saw Elk. Or a reasonable facsimile thereof.

More cheap entertainment! You've heard of Cats 'n Racks? Here is: Cat 'n sacks.

And, of course, the fireworks. This looks like a dandelion or a burning bush to me, but maybe I just need a tripod. We had an awesome view from our apartment.

Not pictured: Mr. Q due to his modesty and desire to remain semi-anonymous, Me in a bikini due to there is no way in hell I am posting a picture of me in a bikini here or anywhere, the vodka, the beer, the hot dogs, and my many, many naps due to I was having to much fun with these things to think about taking photographs of them!

Did I miss anything while I was away? Didn't you do something so fabulous that it needs to be shared here in my comments? I bet you did.

Pooka says...

2006-07-02T17:51:00.000-07:00

RELAX!!

And have a safe and festive 4th of July!!

Here's one for the medical journals

2006-06-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

[Note: this post is not safe for diabetics, the super health-conscious, or vegans!]

What PMS looks like:

Move along, nothing to see here

2006-06-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I wrote a post that was premature and unfortunate. I was basically an ass; whiny with a little drama queen thrown in. The post has been deleted.

If you think you read it and commented on it, it was really a figment of your imagination! (But thank you!)

The mystery has been solved. I was right and I was wrong. But it had a happy ending.

The End.

The one about nothing

2006-06-26T14:04:00.000-07:00

Here is my one alloted post about nothing. It is written in Blogging for Dummies* somewhere (need citation) that you are not allowed to say "I've got nothing to say" more than once in your blogging lifetime or you lose readers at the rate of 100 per incidence.

It isn't? Well, it should be.

Other things that should be used sparingly: "I haven't written in a while..." (duh); "I think I should quit blogging" (yes, you probably should); and, crap, I've forgotten what else I was going to say. Oh yeah, if you write "hahaha" after everyone of your jokes, you are probably pretty lame. Oh wait. I do that, don't I? Nevermind.

In any case, I think I don't have anything to blog about (and how will you cope if you can't read something here today? I know it's hard but you can do it, I am sure. Not that I would know because here I am writing about nothing.) Have I lost you yet?

Are you still reading?

Ha! I lied. I have got something. (I never said it would be worth your time! But since you're already here, you might as well read on!)

I am sorry that I missed the Pirates of the Carribean Dead Man's Chest movie premier at Disneyland this weekend. If I had known that my future husband, Johnny Depp** and my lesbian lover, Orlando Bloom, were going to be there, I would have hotfooted my sweet little ass over them and done me some stalking!! Also, Mr. Q would have been there to drool over Kiera Knightly and her ginormous (but beautiful and perfect) chin.

Ah well. It's enough to know that they were both within 30 minutes of my bed and for all I know they are staying in a quaint little B&B in my neighborhood and I'll run into them tonight when I'm having dinner. Wow, that would be ~~orgasmic~~ fantastic!

*Used only as a hypothetical. I am sure the dang book exists. The only "for Dummies" book I haven't seen is "Being a Dummy for Dummies". I should totally write that one!

**Johnny background, aka, TMI - when I was 20, all the girls were swooning over him and his 21 Jumpstreet badassness and I was totally like "he doesn't do anything for me". Secretly I liked him in that Tom Petty video ("Into the Great Wide Open") but would never admit it because I was all like totally counterculture, doc marten wearing, quirky girl who didn't fall for a "product of the tv studios" and actually, he really didn't do much for me. Jump ahead to my 30s and I was swooning over him in every Tim Burton film ('cause he is really talented) and whatever and now that he's 40 and grubbier than ever, let me tell you that I am a sucker and I swoon everytime I think about him and I can't even explain it! He's just my kind of guy. I think you either totally get him or think you do, or you don't. Hey, I don't make fun of you for liking [insert non-Johnny Depp person here]. So, don't make fun of me!

Unless you're Johnny and then you can do whatever the hell you want to me!

WaPo hearts me

2006-06-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

My darling, fabulous, stellar, and most amusing husband just accused me of spending all day on this blog. I would like the record to state that this post was not even conceived of until 3:30 p.m. today!! HA! So, there. And I have checked my stats NOT EVEN ONCE since Monday. Brotha, pleeeze.

Abrupt topic change (and the point of this post): I was dinking around on the internet doing a little research on my son's unit - wait, that sounds terribly wrong! - on his Army brigade thingy. Because they were scheduled to go to Iraq very soon - like within the next month. (If you don't know already, I have a son. He's 20 years old and he is in the Army and stationed in Germany. And, I also know I look too ~~hot~~ young to be his mother! Thank you very much for saying so!] Well, I am sure that you all think I am soooo well-informed, because I'm a pretentious, psuedointellectual snob who leads you to believe that, and while I do read Shakespeare's Sister every day, I really spend most of my time at Perez Hilton and Go Fug Yourself and far less time at the Washington Post. [I am only partially kidding.]

Well, you won't believe this article that posted only 3 hours ago*!! Pentagon weighs modest troop reduction in Iraq. Yeah, yeah, yeah, haven't we been hearing that since last year or the year before? I don't really believe everything I read and I am highly skeptical of the motivation for publishing such stories, but this article makes me want to believe!! The reporter, Will Dunham, was all "modest reduction of troops" (and by modest, I think they meant "miniscule") blah blah Pentagon blah blah Iraq blah blah reduction blah blah blah. And then! The news I've been waiting for!!! In the next to the last paragraph:

One brigade -- the 2nd Brigade of the Army's 1st Infantry Division, based in Schweinfurt, Germany** -- that was due to have deployed to Iraq this month already has been put on hold by the Pentagon. One official said it was possible that brigade could be sent into Iraq in the fall for a slightly shorter stay than the usual yearlong deployment that Army units serve.[Emphasis mine.]

*as of right now.
**My son's brigade!! Yesssssssss.

Disclaimer, I would normally never tell you any information about my son's unit (ha) but this was in the Washington Post so it's really public information given out by an unnamed Pentagon official. (My next cat will be named "A source close to the Pentagon").

Thanks WaPo for making my day.

I Believe - The Basics

2006-06-21T11:12:00.000-07:00

I have been inspired by recent events to put down in writing some of my basic beliefs. I can certainly talk the talk, but only occassionally am I asked to walk the walk. I am very proud that these tenets not only reside in my brain but I am able to act on them when necessary. It's not brave or deserving of congratulations, but it does take a lot of moxie sometimes to go out in the world and test ourselves on our core beliefs. This is not a holier-than-thou diatribe nor is it a list of platitudes. So, for whatever it's worth, here is the list which is subject to additions, deletions and modifications in perpetuity.

I believe

...there is no such thing as too much coffee.
...martinis of all kinds are good.
...beer is best enjoyed with good friends and a little salt.
...music can be a life saver.
...what really matters in life cannot be bought or sold.

...that being a nerd is cool.
...that being sensitive is cool.
...that cynicism should be used sparingly.
...that 'beautiful' is a state of mind.

...most people are inherently good.
...the bad ones include, but are not limited to: liars, cheaters, and selfish manipulators.
...people who lie to me, or about me, will never, ever earn or deserve my friendship, respect, or generosity.
...that taking personal responsibility for our choices is one of the most important things we can do.
...that the choices we make are a reflection of our character.

...in being generous of mind, heart, and spirit.
...in being true to my feelings and my values at all times.
...in speaking my mind and being honest in all situations.
...in treating people with dignity and respect (until they demonstrate that they don't have any for themselves).
...in empowering people to make good choices for their lives and not being a crutch for them.
...there is no such thing as too little time or too little energy to help others who can't help themselves. The rest need to take some personal responsibility.

/end

I wonder, are your "basics" much different than mine?

I'm on hold right now

2006-06-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

Literally. I am on hold with my cable/phone company. But I am not being subjected to Muzak, Barry Manilow (Love ya, Barry!) or repetitive announcements about how important my call is and how my call will be answered in the order received. This is freaking brilliant!

I love new customer service innovations. (And I love writing about something other than my pathetic "non" problems that are getting me down right now but are very, very old and tiresome! So, yay for that!)

We just moved downstairs (you may or may not be aware!) and we had to have our phone service transferred. In order to do that, apparently, they have to send out a technician to hook it up and of course, you have to be there. In person. I still don't get that. Anyhoots, I made the appointment for Mr. Q's day off (today) but he got called in so now there is no one home and I need to cancel the appointment (between 8 to 10 a.m. or whenever they happen to show up as is usually the case).

Long story longer: I just called the cable/phone company and traversed the maze of options (to slit your wrists now, press 1. Para uno cyanide capsule, oprima estrella). Anyway, I finally reached what I think is my correct destination but, lo and behold, all of their customer service representatives are busy (with other customers, no doubt)!! What a shocker!

Here's where my sacrastic bitching comes to a grinding halt - the friendly announcer girl said, "when a customer service rep is available we can call you back. Enter your phone number, say your name and your call will be returned in 7 - 10 minutes".

And you know what? It worked. (I am on the phone with them now! They called me back!) It's like being on hold for 10 minutes but without the neck cramp. Or bad music. Hooray for technology. Now if they could just figure out how to connect the phone line without us having to take the day off of work!

[Update: they have Saturday appointments. Who knew?] Wow, if all my issues were this easy to solve.

Blog by Number

2006-06-16T13:54:00.000-07:00

In honor of passing my 10,000th visitor mark this week, and because my mind is a barren wasteland completely devoid of any original ideas, I give you my day by the numbers:

Number of minutes overslept: 60
Number of showers taken today: 0
Number of cups of coffee consumed: 5.5
Number of cigarettes smoked: 4
Number of times I've yawned: 1000 + infinity
Number of holes in my sweater: 2
Number of projects I need to complete today: at least 8
Number of projects completed by 2:00 p.m.: 0
Number of websites visited: about 800 give or take 500
Number of times I've said "huh?": 4
Number of ham sandwiches consumed: .5
Number of times I've obsessed over something out of my control: lost count
Number of days until my daughter comes to visit: 13 (woohoo!)
Number of times I've contemplated going home today: 6
Number of crank calls I've contemplated making today: 1
Number of times I've wondered what to write about here: 6
Number of ideas I had that were completely dumb: 6
Number of times I've checked my email and there weren't any: 100

Procrastinators of the World, unite and take over! Y'all have a swell weekend, now, y'hear?!

*mwah*