April 17, 2006

We now return to our regularly scheduled suckage

I'm gonna make this a quick one!

First, I want to apologize for any extra suckage you may have experienced whilst reading this here blog last week. Yes, it sucked and yes, it was harder to do than I thought it would be. The whole thing was interesting but I don't think I would ever do it again. It's just not my thing. (if you don't know what I'm talking about, don't even worry about it, you didn't miss a thing.)

Second, I missed you!

Third, Easter weekend was fine but, as usual, the best parts cannot really be talked about here. Sorry! Mr. Q knows what I'm talking about. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* What I can tell you is we went to a tiki bar on Saturday with a group of friends, and it was totally awesome!

And fourth, I am about to lay down a big old embarrassing confession for you. This may endanger our relationship. It may not be salvagable, in fact. I know some of you will never ever look at me in the same way again.

Here goes. *Deep Breath* I like Spam (the canned meat, not the e-mail variety). It is good (in the sense that it is yummy not in the sense that it is in any way good for you - I'm unhealthy, not stupid). I like it in my Kraft macaroni & cheese and I like it with ramen. I like it with eggs. I like it in Spam Musubi (spam, sticky rice and nori). Unfortunately, I am under doctor's orders to eat much MUCH better due to some seriously wicked cholesterol levels (can we say 210 bad/290 total?). God, I feel old.

Anyway, no more red meat, no more cheese (nooooooooooooooooooo!), no egg yolks, etc. Only fish, lean chicken (yuck), whole grains and fresh fruits and vegetables. I think I can comply with that. I am sure that I will feel better and I will miss my favorite foods (cheese pizza, chili dogs, and of course Spam!) only a little. I am also sure that by omitting Spam from my diet, my cholesterol levels will go down significantly! It better.

Here's my new diet plan: Every meal should consist of 1/4 protein, 1/4 low glycemic index starches, and 1/2 vegetables and fruits.

My only question is: what food group does a grande non-fat Marble Mocha Macchiato fall into?

P.S. This goes to prove that you can be a size 2 and still be incredibly unhealthy. Looks can be deceiving. And just because you can eat whatever you want doesn't mean you should! That's my PSA for today. Now everyone can laugh at me because, "HAHA look, the skinny girl has bad cholesterol! HAHA. You are going to have a heart attack and DIE! BWAHAHAHA. " Which for the record, I hear a heart attack is not a bad way to go so I don't know why we spend so much time avoiding them. *ducking as people start throwing their desk staplers at my head*

Toodles, y'all! I guess I won't be eating my usual lunch of Cheetos today, so I better go find something that's remotely healthy.



At 13:55, Blogger Oliver said...

Welcome back! I'm glad you are. Don't worry about spam - I like it too! Just don't tell anyone...

At 14:13, Blogger Karl said...

You know, I don't think I've ever tasted Spam. Weird. I thought it was a common human experience. Somehow, though, I'm not very tempted to go to the grocery store and grab some.

At 18:29, Blogger my imperfect offering said...

Gosh I missed you!! Welcome back!!

I haven't had Spam in many years, though I must confess that I loved it as a kid (fried up 'til crunchy...kinda like Spam-jerky...which probably made it even more unhealthy). It must have been popular in Texas back then because my mom served it regularly too. heheheh

At 18:44, Blogger suze said...

my cholesteral is perfect - which also goes to show the fat girl might not always be a heart attack in the making. :) But, for other reasons, I too am embarking on a mostly lean meat, whole grains, veggies and fruits, no refined carbs kind of diet. and while i also know this will make me healthier and happier in the long run, the first few days, sucks ass. best of luck. :)

At 19:13, Blogger Erratic Prophet said...

It's funny. I've always been slightly overweight-- always trying to lose 15 lbs.-- but my cholesterol has always been excellent-- currently 156 total, but my twiggy little cousins have outrageously bad cholesterol and they're only 18 and 20. But, then, they eat out constantly-- none of them know how to cook-- and I only eat poultry and seafood and have since I was 16-- yes, that would be 14 years ago-- even though my father claimed I would become sickly. The joke's on him because his doctor made him start eating like me.

At 19:16, Blogger Beth said...

I never experienced Spam until college and it wasn't as bad as I expected. I've eaten worse.

That sucks about the cholesterol though it's probably a good thing you found out about those high numbers sooner rather than later. You still have plenty of time to get it under control.

At 06:21, Blogger Richard said...

Hmmm ... when did 11 paragraphs qualify as quick?

I think the past week was more like watching Captain Spaulding (Groucho Marx) in Animal Crackers when he says, "Pardon me while have this strange interlude ..."

I was impressed to see two blogger friends engaged in this activity. Hurray for creativity!

I have never tried Spam – but I do like corned beef (the one that comes in the can, not the Deli kind – actually, I like both).

Sorry to hear your cholesterol levels are up. Although, 210 is just over the normal mark of 200. Mine is about half yours at 96. Which is odd, because my dad had / has high cholesterol and I typically ate a high cholesterol nightmare: 4 or more eggs per day along with whole milk, I love liver and liver pate, sausages, stuff just tastes better sautéed in butter or pork fat and I used the congealed fat left over from frying bacon as a spread on bread. Needless to say, my doctor recommended I alter my diet to better fit in with a "healthy" diet - I ignored her.

I cannot claim my taste for food has left me unscathed - an expanded waistline can attest to that. So, now-a-days I restrict my diet to 2 eggs in the morning or a sausage and some bread, 2 eggs for lunch, and lots and lots of fruit: grapes, easy to peel clementines or pears (I have gotten sick of bananas, besides bananas left me feeling heavy) over the day. I eat a more modest dinner then I used to – pasta, rice and beans / lentils are out (too calorie dense) and replaced with soups and vegetable based main dishes with meat. And of course, all the goodies like chocolates and chips and crackers are out.

I tried the raw carrots thing, it was just not me. Getting the right fruit mix is important – it has got to be something you enjoy, that has lots of water and not too much sugar.

Sofia's typical weekday diet consists of: 1 yogurt and 1 fruit for breakfast; a sandwich, yogurt and 8oz raw carrots for lunch followed by a 1 hour walk, with a normal dinner at night.

A more important measure of cholesterol is your LDL to HDL ratio.

Maybe you should post some of your favourite Spam recipes just to get it out of your system.


I think a Marble Mocha Macchiato falls into the sinful foods that don't count category, along with birthday cake, banana splits, floats, and ice cream on a hot day.

At 13:28, Blogger Serena said...

More power to you. I wondered who had been keeping Spam in business.

At 15:30, Blogger Alanita said...

Please don't tell me that you are one of those "size 2 babes" that makes me sick because you can eat everything and anything??? YOU lucky!!! I hate you! j/k

I bought SPAM once...I think they fed it to us in Middle School...but it didn't look the same or smell the same. I thought it smelled like cat food in a can! I gave it to a few neighborhood cats and they came back every day looking for more SPAM!! Yummmmmmm.....NOT! :)

At 17:06, Blogger Beth Fish said...

Did you know that spam melts if you set it on fire?

At 17:57, Blogger luckybuzz said...

I don't think I've ever actually eaten Spam...but those little cans of corned beef? My mom used to make some bizarre meal with those that involved cornflakes and canned pineapple slices. Tres chic.

At 07:59, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Spam? Spam? Sheesh. You're still okay in my book but that's just weird.

At 15:58, Blogger MsSisyphus said...

It didn't suck. I loved the DP posts (well, the first two...) And it lead me to you, which makes me so happy. Except Spam??? Seriously??? EWWWWWW.


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