June 5, 2006

Give Peas a Chance

Now that I have found my blog again, I have no idea what to do with it. When it disappeared on Friday, and I couldn't access it (to read) I should have taken that opportunity to delete it altoghether. I have lost the inspiration. My mind, like my checking account, is empty.

Of course, I don't have the guts to pull the plug on this thing completely. It may be on life-support, but I will remove its feeding tube and ventilator when, and if, I realize there is absolutely no hope for a full recovery.

I want to get back to actually writing - preferably something Hilarious! Brilliant! of Earth shattering importance! Or not. Something interesting would be nice. It's been hard to write for a while now. I'm not sure what's holding me back. Whatever "it" is, it's affecting my real, offline life, too, so it's not just you.

I'd like to talk about how I feel really fat and ugly, and then I remember I am not actually fat or ugly even though I feel that way a lot lately.

Or how I feel socially awkward, moderately stupid, excessively clumsy and basically like a big dork but not in a cute "look at me! I'm a dork!" kind of way. You know what I mean? D-O-R-K. With no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Insufferably dorky. Impossible-to-be-around dorky.

Other times I want to whine about how broke I am and then I remember I have a really, really comfortable life in a very beautiful place and a ridiculously expensive latte habit.

Once in a while, I want to tell you how no one understands me but then I realize that I have PMS and a thyroid imbalance and it's probably not like that at all.

Often, I want to talk about missing my kids but they're pretty much all grown up now and what am I supposed to say really? How many ways can you actually say that? I miss them. I MISS them. I miss THEM. They grow up fast.

Of course, I could get philisophical and write about topics that I am passionate about but "Hating George W. Bush With the White Hot Intensity of a Thousand Suns" is already being covered by many, many people who are much better at it than I am.

Originally, today, I was going to do a meme: Ten Things that make me Happy, but I couldn't get the photos to load. I'll try again tomorrow. Photos that won't load? Do not make me happy!

Occassionally, I think that this could be a stellar weblog if I would put a little more effort into it. And then I realize that I could be stellar at a lot of things if I just got off my lazy ass and put the effort into them.

Overall, I feel like it's worthwhile to keep this going and keep looking for the inspiration. It's always there when least expect it. I'll find it soon.

In the meantime, thanks for sticking around even when I've got nothing to say. If not for you, lurkers and all, I would have hung it up long ago!



At 15:45, Blogger luckybuzz said...

Glad you're keeping the blog going. I like visiting here. :)

At 15:45, Blogger luckybuzz said...

...even when I'm feeling lame and can only offer Insufferably Dorky comments.

At 17:15, Blogger Richard said...

As mentioned before, we come here because of you. We (at least me) just want you to be you. I am not here to see you do some dog and poney show or to see you pull a rabbit out of your latte.

Sounds like you are going where I've been before (midlife). I despise labels, but I cannot deny I had some pretty down years the past few. Things look better now.

On the other hand, it could just be the end of school. I always felt lost whenever school was over. I felt like I was racing towards a great precipice and then ... just stopped ... teetering at the edge in some surreal manner and not falling. A few weeks later I would unwind and all would be good again.

Why not join Ingrid in a little collaberative writing experiment. So far, only she and I seem to be contributing. Contribute as much or as little as you like.

Or maybe you just need to disappear for a while - take a two year hiatus.

At 17:31, Blogger Ree said...

Don't you dare quit. After one post, I want more. You. May. Not. Quit.

At 23:33, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your #1 lurker appreciates your grammatically correct ups and downs from day to day. Don’t give up.

(darts back into his dark corner)

At 04:03, Blogger Craig said...

I second what everyone else has been saying. Well, mostly. I have to disagree with Richard on one point: I would like to see you pull a rabbit out of your latte.

At 04:19, Blogger Clare said...

Don't quit!

At 06:26, Blogger Richard said...

One thing I should have mentioned yesterday, you probably to get Mr. Q to give you a hug (if he is not picking up on the sad droopy puppy dog eyes, the deflated posture, the heavy sighs and runny mascara hints, then ask him).

One of the problems I have found with blogging is in trying to avoid playing to the audience. Let's face it, it is gratifying when we see comments - it makes us feel special. The problem comes in when we start second guessing ourselves and wondering if the "audience" will like what we are writing. It takes a lot of effort to just keep doing what we do and hope people like it. I often guess wrong which posts will garner comments. Often times the ones I think will garner a lot of comments or generate a lot of discussion just fizzle and then some more mundane post will get a flurry of comments - go figure.

Of course, another factor is trying not to be repetitive, "Gee, should I rant about goose doo-doo again? Or maybe I should drag out another sympathy story about my parakeet's high blood pressure and the 12 different medications a day we have to give him so he lives another day? Or maybe I should do yet another meme?"

At 06:44, Blogger my imperfect offering said...

I've been feeling exactly the same way (for a while now), except your blog is always infinitely better than mine, so I can't imagine why you would consider quitting. ;) I come here daily just to see *you*, to see what you've been up to, sort of like a daily phone call just checking in (but quicker and cheaper, and a little less weird since you haven't actually met me in person yet ;). It has been such fun to find a kindred spirit and get a sneak-peek into your life's daily ups and downs. I hope you don't decide to stop writing (because I would miss you!), but I totally understand the bloggy-blues.

At 07:14, Blogger Beth said...

See, now, if you are saying that your blog isn't any good any more what does that say about mine? I consider myself fortunate if I get one comment on a posting. You're doing fine - keep up the good work! (Though I must admit I've been thinking for a while about gettting away from Blogger to something else - Blogger issues have really been pissing me off lately.)

At 10:13, Blogger Rude Cactus said...

Damnit - it IS a stellar blog. Don't give up or I shall be mightily pissed. Bummed really. You rock. Now, don't forget it!


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