September 18, 2006

See Ms Q. See Ms Q Freak Out.

OHMYF-INGGOD. I am going to kill, maim, throttle yell really loudly at my daughter. She is so grounded.

[Background for newcomers: Jojo, my daughter and 2nd born child; 17-year old senior in high schoool (this is important); lives with her dad in another state; is a complete airhead *sometimes*.]

When Jojo was here for the summer, I let her have her old cell phone for local use and keeping in touch with us. Because, while she was doing very bad things with boys, on the beach, late at night, I wanted to be able to call her and tell her to pick up some milk on her way home.

Well, LIKE THE MOTHER FUCKING IDIOT ASSHOLE RETARD that I am, I said she could take it back to Seattle for emergency/important use only. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHA. Was I on drugs or what? I think I was. Her phone was on our shared minute plan so I was paying for airtime anyway. I really, truly, sincerely, actually believed she would show some restraint and NOT ABUSE the priviledge. (Why her dad hasn't gotten her a cell phone is topic for another day. Just don't ask.)

I am sure you know where this is going. It's a plotline as old as the written word- Today I got my bill. A normal bill is an average of $80 -90 per month.

This is the part where I freak out: Total due for July - August $188 (not toooooooooo bad)
Total due for August - September: $600 (holy fucking shit) $500 of which is all her.

Well, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do but I hope Verizon takes pity on a pitiful, pathetic, poor, stupid mother and they let me work out a payment plan.

Here's the sad part (and the part where I feel like a really, really bad mom): She starts a new job today. Even if she works full-time, it's going to take her at least a month to pay me back (and she WILL pay me back, oh yes she will). I almost don't want to ruin her first day on the job! I don't want to hurt her feelings. Someone please come smack me. Please. Hard. I am too stupid to live today.

The moral of this story: If you are me, don't have any more kids and certainly don't give them unfettered access to a cell phone until they are paying for it themselves.

Damn kids.


(passes collection hat around)




At 15:08, Blogger Jesse said...

I tried to leave a comment but comments are being buttholes.

I feel your pain.

At 15:24, Blogger luckybuzz said...


Holy crap.

But "damn kids" is one of the best tags I've ever seen.

At 15:33, Anonymous mikey said...



At 16:26, Blogger Clare said...

$600?! Woah dude! Jeeeezuz.

At 19:12, Blogger my imperfect offering said...

Time-shifted, parallel lives once again. I've totally been there, done that (except with my son)! (Eeek, I absolutely cringe at using that expression too!) I didn't learn my lesson the first time around (nor the 10th, 11th or 12th!), but hallelujah, I have FINALLY broken free from all responsibility regarding his cell phone. The logic that finally did it for me -- if he can afford to buy beer and cigarettes, he can afford to pay his own d@mn cell phone charges, college-student or not. I can tell you that nothing has ever felt so liberating!! :)

At 20:01, Blogger Beth said...

DA-YUMN! You know that phrase that parents love to use - "I brought you into this world and I can take you back out again"? That may apply here.


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