Even Steven

Here goes the post where I talk about how my life is not perfect after all. For every good thing that happens, at least one bad thing* happens. If I find $20, it usually turns out that I will lose $20 in the very near future. And vice versa. (It's a glass half full/half empty thing**, I suppose.)

You've all read about how awesome my life is and how much it rocks. Probably to a nauseating degree. (Sorry!) Well, lo and behold, it's not all peachy keen, puppy kisses and butterflies all the time. Sometimes, it just plain sucks. In the interest of full disclosure, here is a list of the stuff I try to avoid, deny, justify, and then run away from. In other words, here is my Freak Out list.

Freak Out #1. Money: I don't have any. I had some but I spent it. Money sucks. More accurately bills & debts suck. Sucks my will to live. Sucks my patience for humanity (and inane and inept customer service reps). Sucks my credit score down the toilet.

Freak Out #2. Forgetfulness: I missed my Spring semester school registration period. Thanks to a defunct email forwarding system (didn't get that memo) and a complete lack of neurons firing (must reevaluate beer consumption), I missed it and now I have to wait until January!! As a senior, this is problematic because I have fewer and fewer classes from which to pick and less and less time to take them***.

Freak Out #3. Electronics: I am utterly dependent on them and when one doesn't work, I freak out! Plus, there is always the complication caused by issue #1 above. So, my laptop won't turn on and this is huge to me because everything is on there. I think it's a faulty power cord, but I won't know until I try a new one (Goodbye $80! We had big plans and I will miss you.). Pictures, music, work files, school files - they are all on there. I am so screwed - for at least 2 more days (which is the much celebrated and maligned payday).

Freak Out #4. Responsibility: Overall, I have been completely irresponsible for the last 3 or 4 months and it's all catching up to me now. Being a grown up is hard work. I thought it was I wish someone had told me that earlier. My house is kind of a mess, relatively speaking, the bills are stacked high and scattered throughout, and the kitty litter box only gets changed because I married a guy that totally rocks and who cleans it without complaint.

It's a short list, but it covers the major categories in a rather broad way. I know it could be worse. I know it's not the end of the world. And I never really want to live a completely stable and predictable life. I enjoy the ups and downs. I like the extremes. I like living on the edge a little bit. But, once in a while, it'd be nice to see what it's like to not worry about money, bills, broken appliances, school schedules, car repairs, et cetera. You know? Of course you do. We are all totally unique, just like everyone else.

*By "bad thing" I mean, minor bad thing. Not like death, dismemberment, cancer or jail. At least not yet. Thank god for small favors.

** This is an impossible question for an optimistic yet often cynical, mostly malcontented, and sometimes nihilistic person like me. Of course, it can be half full or half empty but it's also probably full of harmful and toxic bacteria, the Plague or West Nile virus and it might kill me but it won't matter because in the end nothing really does.

***If I want to graduate this decade.



Oh well. My solution? None. When the going gets tough, the tough go blogging. All I can do at the moment is bide my time until I win the lottery, marry the Price of Monaco, or just say eff it and move to Tahiti and live in a hut where it really won't matter! (see optimism note above!)

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