Proud Parent of Two Gay Cats

I am a gay cat owner. That is, I am the owner of gay cats. But I hate the term "pet owner". So, I'll just go with 'parent'. I am the proud parent of two gay cats.

You know how I know my cats are gay? Let us examine the daily lives and many strange habits of Pooka and Pi.

Pooka is the 8-month old kitten who is in a class all his own when it comes to being a rascal. He hides things, he breaks things, he pounces on your head at 4am. Pi is the big orange Maine Coon Cat who weighs approximately the same as a small John Deere tractor.

Exhibit A of the Gay: Yesterday, we came home and they were watching television. Pi's enormous paw was on the remote control. Both cats were fully engrossed in an episode of the Gilmore Girls. They also seem to like showtunes and Pi has an unhealthy obsession with Judy Garland.

Exhibit B of the Gay: They sleep in spoons. And when they play fight they always end up licking each other. All over. Sometimes, Pooka just puts his butt right in Pi's face and ... nevermind. It's totally gay. Trust me! (Pooka is totally a bottom. Even though Pi is more passive usually. This is not a judgement, just an observation.)

Exhibit C of the Gay: Pooka loves my vase collection and when he's not breaking them, he is rearranging them. I appreciate that he like vases to be on the floor but I would appreciate it more if it was on the carpet and not on the ceramic tile. He has potential to be a decent interior decorator but he's not quite there yet.

Exhibit D of the Gay: Obsession with hair things. They steal all my ponytail holders/rubberbands and hide them. They walk around with them in their mouth like some exotic prey they just caught. And then they hide them. There is a giant stash hidden somewhere. Also, they like to play with my hair. In reality, I think they want to open their own kitty salon in our back bedroom and they are just stocking up on supplies.

Exhibit E of the Gay: They will only eat Fancy Feast. The least manly and most shi-shi of all cat foods. Here is some of their ad copy: "Fancy Feast® With over 50 difficult-to-resist varieties, Fancy Feast® is truly an exquisite feast for all your cat's senses." You decide. Maybe they aren't gay, just metrosexual. I should call up Ted Allen and ask him. Better yet, I should call up Bravo and pitch the new show "Straight Minds for Gay Felines".

Exhibit F of the Gay: The closet. They are always in the closet. They can't stay away and it can only mean one thing.

That's enough evidence for today. They are G-A-Y, gay. And I love them. I've always loved me some gay men and my cats are no exception. I am sure there are other gay cat owners out there. I just wanted you to know: you are not alone.

Gay Cats in Action
(click each picture to embiggen)