5 more things

Here is a little meme-y thing that I saw at Ty's today which I self-tagged myself for. It's five things you don't already know about me. Since I just did a 100 Things last week, this may be a little premature, but then again, it should be fresh in your mind so here goes...

1. My nose crinkles when I laugh or smile.

2. My favorite soft drink is Dr. Pepper. I drink one almost every day.

3. I don't like potatoes. I also hate brussel's sprouts, lima beans and beets. Bleh. Nasty. I don't think I am an overly picky eater, but there are a few things I won't eat. I don't like french fries, but I'll eat seasoned curly fries if I can have mayonnaise with them. Ketchup (or catsup or whatever) is also on the "food/condiments that I won't eat list". I am not a big fan of beans at all except green beans, but only if they are french cut. I order a lot of food with stuff on the side. Kind of like Sally Albright in "When Harry Met Sally...":

Sally: I'd like the chef salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side, and the apple pie a la mode.

Waitress (writes down): Chef and apple a la mode.

Sally: But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side. And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream - just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of the can, then nothing.

Waitress: ... Not even the pie?

Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated.

Waitress: Uh huh.

I am very popular with food servers! Occassionally, they give me the exact opposite of what I ask for. Like yesterday. I ordered a quesadilla with sour cream, no guacamole. I got a quesadilla with guacamole, no sour cream. Since I am deathly allergic to avocados, Mr. Q got a bonus serving of gauc.

4. I will try just about anything once. Food-wise. Within reason.

5. Unlike, Ty, I do like my own handwriting. I am a little obsessive about writing in the most excellent manner possible and it sometimes requires me to write the same sticky note 3 or 4 times to get it just right. One day, maybe I'll post something in my own handwriting. On second thought, how obnoxious would that be? It is a skill I have that I would gladly trade for having a more lucrative career, like cardiologist or something. I knew I would never be a doctor when I discovered that my handwriting is waaay too neat to even get into medical school. Ha. I keed. I don't appreciate sterotypes about secretaries, I'm sorry "administrative professionals", so I will avoid using them about other professions. I am nothing if not fair!


Voila! Anyone want to play? I hate to tag people, so if you are in a self-tagging mood-- um that sounds weirder than I think it should-- me by guest!! (<=== tee hee, I said "me by guest" and I meant "be my guest". I think this is where I should correct it instead of pointing it out, huh?)

Happy Halloween, Weenies!

Bullet Point Monday is on hiatus this week. I know you are sad about that. It is so immensely popular, I hope no one riots. The ten of you who read this would make a pretty lame riot anyway, so I guess if you must, riot away.

Of course, it is All Hallow's Eve today but (almost) more importantly, it is the beginning of Gingerbread Latte season at Starbucks (the company that gets all my money)!! As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "Yesssssssssss."

Too hot for the library

I am at a public library right now, working on research for a school project. As I work on a blog that I created for the project, I thought, hmmm, I'll just jump over to my other blog real quick. This one here. And this is what I found:

The City's Internet filtering software has blocked you from accessing this site. Filtering has been set in place for sites that have been deemed of an adult nature or of a gambling nature by the filtering software manufacturer. All users accessing the City's Network are subject to policies and regulations that govern technology resource use. Please contact the webmaster@cityofblanketyblank.com if you have any questions. Thank you. ***

Click here to go Back.

So, I ask, am I too hot for the library? What about me is so hot? Besides my ass. Maybe it's because I say ass a lot. Ass ass ass. Assity ass ass.

Well. At least our children are safe from the potentially objectionable material here. Thank gawd! I am so relieved to know that our tax dollars are hard at work, filtering all the garbage (like me) on the internet. Woot. Free speech rocks!!

The thing about library computers? Most of the people here (at this moment) wouldn't know how to find my blog if it bit them in the... wait for it... ass! I mean, they are about to give themselves a thrombo just looking for the Google homepage!

I love the public library. Don't get me wrong. And this one is nice. But filtering on the internet is tricky business and I'm just not sure they should be doing it. Who gets to decide what should and shouldn't be censored. Gah! I feel so oppressed!

[***Edited to note: When I went back to view a published post, I was able to access my blog but Flickr was blocked. So now I know, it's just my picture that is too hot for the library, not my words. I feel sooooo much better now! Sort of.]

Time is fun when you're having flies

**Randomosity Alert** Once again, it's Friday. I just have one question. Where did this week go? It's been a blur. And a big news week to boot, I'd say.

I got a message, via my ex, that our son called. He's in Germany, he says he loves it and he is reportedly getting blotto on some hideous sounding drink called the Three Wise Men. It's something like one part Jack Daniel's, one part Jim Beam, and one part some other hard liquor named after a guy. *beaming with pride, sort of*. Anyway, he's safe and sound, and we think he is not getting deployed anywhere dangerous. *knock on wood*

What else? Life is crazy busy. I've had 5 birthdays in the family plus my boss this week alone. As a result, I'm flat broke. C'est la vie. You know how some people have a Christmas Club savings account? I need an October Birthday Savings Account. Sheesh. It's almost enough to make me want to convert to Jehovah's Witness. You know. Because they don't celebrate birthdays. Nah, that'd never work. I like to celebrate my birthday (in 17 days!) too much.

In other countdown news, only 3 more days before NaNoWriMo begins. Who else is participating? Who wants to be a character in my novel? I will write about you in the most flattering way possible if you volunteer. If you don't volunteer, don't be surprised if you show up as my nemesis! Now aren't you in a predicament!!

Speaking of evil characters and the bad things they do, you must know by now, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby was indicted today on 5 counts, including perjury, obstruction of justice, and making false statements. I love what Mac said:

Well....I, for one, feel confident that George W. Bush has brought respect, honor, and dignity back to the White House. Congratulations!

I couldn't have said it better myself! (I know, I know, innocent until proven guilty and all that crap. What a mess, though. And, of course, it's not like he lied about getting a blow job or anything, so really we should just all cut him some slack. NOT!!)

I told you it was random. Hope your weekend rocks! Don't forget to move your clocks back one hour on Sunday morning. Daylight Saving Time begins - or does it end? I always forget. Anyway, fall back. And enjoy that extra hour of dreamtime!

100 Things

It's about time to give you the ubiquitous 100 Things. You may have read my previous 100 things and some items may be repeated here. But it is mostly all new and if you read it, you may learn something new about me. And then your life will be complete! (teehee!)

1. I am a girl.

2. My natural hair color is reddish brown. With more and more grey each day.

3. I have brown eyes.

4. I am ambidextrous.

5. And so am I.

6. I used to be a heroin addict. Now, I am a methodone addict.

7. Just kidding.

8. I like to quote Annie Hall.

9. I often wish I had been born in another state.

10. I was born in Texas.

11. I have some famous relatives from history but no one you'd probably be interested in.

12. In the first grade, my school wanted to skip me ahead a grade or two.

13. My parents thought it was a bad idea.

14. If I had skipped a grade, my life would have turned out completely differently.

15. I am mostly glad that they made that decision.

16. Even though I got knocked up at the end of 10th grade.

17. I was in the Gifted and Talented Program and took all accelerated classes since the 1st grade.

18. I was accelerated alright. I did everything early!

19. I was married in eleventh grade.

20. I moved to another state with my husband and our baby when I was seventeen.

21. My friends hadn't even gone to prom yet.

22. I've always been rather independent/tomboyish/feminist/strong.

23. Sometimes it is a curse.

24. I've learned to embrace my girly-ness and I love being a girl most of the time.

25. My husband likes me that way!

26. I have two kids - one in high school and one in the Army.

27. I have been married twice. Divorced once.

28. My husband is my best friend.

29. He has a son from another marriage also.

30. He has the best ex-wife. Ever.

31. I knew my husband before he was her husband.

32. If you understand that last sentence, you are so clever!

33. My favorite food is homemade macaroni & cheese.

34. I also like pudding. All kinds.

35. And pie. Especially cream pies.

36. Creme Brulee is my favorite dessert of all time, though.

37. I am mildly lactose intolerant.

38. Apparently, I am allergic to avocados, mangoes and newsprint.

39. I have broken almost every finger, a couple of toes, my nose, and my tailbone.

40. I would like to learn to play golf.

41. I think I'd like to go skydiving once.

42. I plan to travel a lot one day.

43. I also plan to graduate with my bachelors degree in linguistics.

44. I haven't completely decided on what I'll do in graduate school yet.

45. But I do plan to go to graduate school.

46. Then people will really like me!!

47. Not.

48. I am way more shy than you think.

49. I do not do well in large social groups.

50. People never seem to hear me talk.

51. My voice doesn't carry well.

52. I am afraid of being heard anyway, so it works out okay.

53. Most of the time, I hate small talk and avoid it like the plague.

54. But if you get me one on one, watch out, I will talk your ear off all night long.

55. I can talk about nearly any subject on Earth.

56. I like to learn something new every day.

57. I like to do something new every day.

58. My brain is bi-dominate. I am equally right- and left- brained.

59. Which causes a lot of problems.

60. I figure if you are right-brained AND left-brained, one cancels the other, right?

61. So, what I am left with is being No Brained!

62. I wish I was a little slower sometimes.

63. "Klutzy" is my middle name.

64. I wish it was "Wealthy"!

65. Actually, I just want enough money to live comfortably and not worry about how to pay a bill.

66. I am the oldest of 3 daughters.

67. We were all molested by our grandfather.

68. I've never talked about it to anyone outside my family.

69. I had an older brother who died before I was born.

70. I am the only woman in my family to drive a car or have a driver's license.

71. I would like to get a pilot's license one day.

72. I would also like to buy a sailboat and sail around the world.

73. Luckily, my husband would like to do that one, too.

74. Some people think I live a charmed life. It doesn't seem that way to me.

75. I have survived a lot of hardships, including poverty, abuse, and depression. I know a lot of people had it worse than me. I am one of the lucky ones.

76. I hope I live a long and happy life.

77. So far, so good.

78. More importantly, I hope my children live a long and happy life.

79. So far, so good.

80. In my spare time, I like to knit and watch t.v.

81. I think doing nothing can be an art form.

82. One day, soon, I would like to be a published author.

83. I am just afraid I'll get a bad review in the NY Times.

84. I don't have any phobias to speak of.

85. But I am slightly OCD about being organized.

86. Once, I organized our junk drawer at home and made an inventory list.

87. I made my family check items out of the junk drawer!

88. That lasted about 2 days and then they revolted!

89. I am actually a pretty laid back person.

90. It takes a lot to really rattle me.

91. I probably wouldn't have survived as a cave-person.

92. I am curious about everything and like to touch everything I see.

93. Sometimes, I break things when I touch them.

94. I haven't learned yet.

95. I have a list of pet peeves longer than my arm.

96. Most people around me exhibit at least one peeve of mine every day.

97. I am revising # 89.

98. I am very easily annoyed, but I am good at not showing it.

99. If you have any questions, leave a comment.

100. Para espanol, oprima aqui. Permanecer sentados por favor!

blah blah BLAH!

Oh, how my life sucks. Let me count the ways!

1. Work.
2. School.
3. Chores.
4. Bills.
5. Traffic.
6. Cramps.
7. Bad moods.
8. Depression.
9. My radio is all staticy, fuzzy sounding and it's pissing me off.
10. How the hell do you spell static -y? I can say but apparently cannot spell it.

I could go on but I think I've covered the major categories. Life sure is overwhelming sometimes, eh?

Well... we now interrupt this pity party for an annoucement: at least two things are going well today! My hair looks absolutely amazing pretty good and my husband is the most stellar human being on the planet. Those two things should be enough to shake me out of this foul mood and they have, but only mometarily. I am in battle mode: between feeling like crap and feeling incredibly lucky. So, in the interest of kicking myself in the ass, here is a list of what I can do to make a difference in someone's life (mine):

Work can be changed - I can adjust my attitude and make it a fun place to work. Or I can find a new job.

School is just school. It's not like I have any control over the class schedule that is offered. I'll have to deal with it and just go when I can go and take what I can get. If I never finish, I am still a good person. And I am reasonably smart, so I am sure that counts for something.

Chores will get done. Eventually. The house looks great but my laundry is stacked high. It'll get done when it gets done.

Ditto for paying bills.

There are measures within my control to deal with traffic, cramps, and depression. As for the radio, I can turn it off and listen to the voices in my head for entertainment.

So, you see? All is not hopeless. The choices may be limited, but I do have choices.

Why don't I feel better yet? Hope your Tuesday is better than mine.

Maybe I should change my major...

Woot! I passed 8th Grade math! I am sooo happy. Does this mean I still have to balance my checkbook? I've been faking a math disability but now that I've blown my cover, what excuse shall I use?

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

[via Stacy at Outwit, Outblog, Outsnark whose blog I lurk around sometimes. Shhh, don't tell her]

So much time, so little to do

It's Friday *doing the happy dance* but I have almost nothing to say. I mean, I have lots to say, but I have almost nothing interesting to say. I know, can you believe it?

So, what's new? I have taken my very brilliant and sweet husband's advice and I have stopped wearing makeup. I didn't wear that much anyway, but enough to suffocate my pores. I thought I needed it to look normal, but apparently I am naturally beautiful ok to look at. My face is soooo happy! It feels good to be naked all day. My face is naked, not me! sheesh. I put a little moisturizer and a little mascara on and I'm done. It's been a weird adjustment. At first, I felt a little strange but now that I am used to it, I love it. I would take a picture, but (embarassing confession) I don't currently possess a digital camera that works worth a damn. (Hint, hint - 25 days until my birthday, honey!). My daughter has one, which I used all the time before she callously left me moved up north. Now, instead of uploading a photo with a click of a button, I have film out the wazoo that needs to be developed. Gah. I hate getting film developed. I am not at all good at dropping things off, waiting, and then picking things back up. I still have a coat at the cleaners that I haven't picked up since August.

In other news, I have gone and signed myself up for NaNoWriMo. That's National Novel Writing Month. It takes place from November 1 to 30 and the goal is to write a work of fiction of at least 50,000 words in length.

I'm gonna write a novel, yo! My middle name is Masochist, don't you know. I currently have three college classes, I work about 48 hours per week, I am not exactly a spring chicken, and I really need to get started on knitting holiday gifts for my loved ones. But, why let a little thing like exhaustion get in my way of fulfilling a lifelong dream of writing and publishing a stellar work of fiction? It's only 50,000 words I need to write. I can do that in a sitting or two if my posts here are any indication!! I tend to be a little wordy sometimes, don't I? Whatev. Jofo (who, coincidentally is playing a gig tonight and I will be there) is doing it and he's got a couple of careers going on simultaneously, so if he can attempt it, I can attempt it too! You can't succeed if you never try, right?

I've got a title, a sketched cast of characters and maybe a plot or two. Anybody wanna join our party? Go sign up, get your NaNoWriMo logo (mine will be up sometime) and starting Nov. 1, write your little heart out! Masochists of the world unite!

Y'all have a good weekend,y'hear? I'll be back. Yes, that is a promise, not a threat!

Memes Memes, Good for the Heart

Totally swiped from Mikey, who I have completely neglected lately. Is it just me or has blogging been harder lately? I mean staying current, thinking of things to write, etc. It’s starting to feel a little tedious. I am reentering lurking mode right now.

I have some serious malaise, so I think a(nother) meme is in order. On top of my kids being gone, school being like all hard and stuff, recovering from a stomach virus I had last week (don’t ask!), the seasons changing and the full moon, I am feeling a bit, how shall I say, blah!

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.

Georgia O’Keeffe, famous artist and all around beautiful person.

2. Where was your first kiss?

On the cheek. By my mom, when I was a baby, I imagine. Do you mean, real kiss from a boy? Then that would be Stardust Skating Rink, 6th grade

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?

Um, no. I never even TP’d (toilet papered) anyone’s house. I have hurt people’s feelings however which is sometimes just as bad as vandalizing their property. Once, I accidentally keyed a car. I swear it was an accident and I feel awful about it. They were parked really, really close to me, and you know how clumsy I am. My key just sort of swiped the door of their car as I was getting into mine. I am so sorry!

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?

Yes. Hit, kicked, punched, scratched. I’m not proud, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to protect yourself.

5. Have you ever sang in front of a large number of people?

Unfortunately, yes. I think they have all recovered now!

6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?p>

Whatever happens to be their most striking feature. Smile, eyes, hair, butt. Well-dressed or not. Hands. I like nice hands.

7. What really turns you on?

Intelligence, humor, compassion. Also, a really good hug. A nice ass doesn’t hurt either!

8. What do you order at Starbucks?

Since I went to Pumpkin Spice Latte rehab, I am now ordering a grande Coffee or at most a grande non-fat latte.

9. What is your biggest mistake?

This is a hard question. I think my biggest mistake was not caring about my credit when I was younger and spending too much money. It’s a real drag to be where I am now and still not have a fat savings account and sterling credit. I’m working on it. Sometimes, I still don’t care that much, but you know, sometimes I do. No one is going to go to my funeral and say “wow, she had such great credit!” And if I move to another country (which could still happen, you know when I get a Fulbright!) they aren’t going to care if my credit was rock solid or a little iffy. Really. They don’t care.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?

Don’t we all, in some way or another?

11. Say something totally random about yourself.

Something totally random about yourself. ahaha. I crack myself up. Random fact: I like cheese pizza. A lot.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?

Audrey Hepburn (in my dreams!), Winona Ryder and Parker Posey are just some of the beautiful women I’ve been told that I resemble. I think people are smoking dope, is what I think, but I am happy to remind people of Audrey. My hubs thinks I look like her, too, so I need to make sure he doesn’t schedule an eye doctor appointment anytime soon or the compliments may come to a screeching halt!!

13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?

Yes. Sing it with me: ooooooooooooooh. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? (SpongeBobSquarePants!).

14. Did you have braces?

For almost 4 years. I actually had braces when I gave birth to my son. I must have looked ridiculous! People think I look young NOW. I can’t imagine what they were thinking about me 20 years ago.

15. Are you comfortable with your height?

5’6” is good. Not too tall, not too short. If I were 3 inches taller, perhaps I would have been a supermodel (haha!), but I am really happy to be a full 7” taller than my mom.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?

Letting me be me. There really are too many things to list here.

17. When do you know it's love?

When he leaves money for me in the morning. Just kidding. Like Mikey said you just know. I suppose it varies from one person to the next.

18. Do you speak any other languages?

Oui! Je parle francais!

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?

No. What am I missing? I am still waiting for pale, freckled skin to make a fashion comeback. It'll happen one day! Just wait! Then I will be the envy of everyone!

20. What magazines do you read?

Bust

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?

Yes.

22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?

Yes. In August, my grandfather, I didn’t actually know that well, passed away. I wrote about it in August on my other blog.

23. Do you watch mtv?

Sometimes. A better question is "do you remember when MTV showed music videos?" Yes, I do. Those were the good ol' days!

24. What's something that really annoys you?

Just about everything! I am quite easily annoyed. Really, you should be glad you only know me here, because in real life I am just a malcontented, irritable, basket-case, mess! One thing I would outlaw today if I had the power: French-tip, long-ass, fake, acrylic fingernails would not be allowed anywhere near a keyboard. Damn, that’s annoying!

25. What's something you really like?

Could this question be any more vague? I like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain.

26. Do you like Michael Jackson?

Not particularly. Thriller was a great album. I have a Jackson 5 cd in my car right now. I’m guessing this is where the meme takes a sudden demographic shift downward.

27. Can you dance?

Is the pope catholic?

28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?

All night. duh.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?

Yes. A few times. It is scary and not fun at all. But I think some paramedics are hot!

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?

Yes. And then I usually copy them and fill them out myself. Because I am a copy-cat like that!

Recent History

I am not sure why writing has all of a sudden become so difficult. Perhaps I am doing too many things simultaneously to focus on anything at all. Perhaps I am having G.I. Josh withdrawals. Damn, it’s weird how you can get accustomed to having someone be far away and then they’re here and you get really attached all over.


Of course you probably know that my 19-year old son, Josh, flew in last week, stayed 8 days and now he’s gone again – up north to hang with his other family. This coming Sunday (10/22) he will depart for Germany, land there 10 hours later, and then live and work there for the next two years (provided he doesn’t have a deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan, *knock on wood*).

We had an awesome time while he was here. Just hanging out on the couch was cool. We did go out on Thursday night to Knott’s Scary Farm and I am not exaggerating when I say it scared the bejeebus out of me. But in a good way. I haven’t screamed that loudly or that much in years. It was very cathartic! I realized that it is usually inappropriate to scream at the top of our lungs. Maybe we’d all feel better if we just had a good scream occasionally. Maybe that’s what concerts and sports games are for. I usually reserve most of my screaming for when George Dubya is on the tele. But that isn’t the same thing, exactly.

Back to Knott’s. Remember when I talked about my car mysteriously speeding up/slowing down several weeks ago? It was a throttle problem. How do I know? On the way home from Knott’s Scary Farm, at 2:30 a.m. to be precise, my car’s check engine light and the traction control system light went on. I mean they lit up on my dashboard. Since it was 2:30 a.m. and it was just me and a sleeping Josh in the car, I didn’t think it wise to stop on the side of the freeway to check it out. So, I just kept driving. I decided that I was only going to stop if the car made me stop. I drove the final 20 miles home while saying a very sincere and earnest prayer that my car not stall until I got home.

It worked. I mean the car stalled when I came to a stop at my exit but I was able to restart it and I drove the rest of the way home without stopping. When I pulled into a parking spot at home, the engine died. After I woke up the next morning, I called roadside assistance, had the car towed to the dealership and six hours later picked up my shiny, clean, and now-running car. The throttle body had gone bad. That sounds like a show on Fox. When throttle bodies go bad! My car has a kick-ass warranty, thankfully, so I got my car back and my checking account is still intact.

Anyway. We generally just spent time together. I watched Josh multitask. A lot.

TV on? Check.
My Space on? Check.
Sony Play Station Portable (PSP), email and stereo all on?
Check. Check. and Check!

Either he as ADD or he is so freaking brilliant that he can simultaneously do five things at once. Or six, if he’s eating while all that other stuff is going on!

It’s amazing how much he’s grown up though. I am prouder than proud right now.

Of course, we dropped him off at the airport early on Sunday morning and I cried. And then later in the day, I cried some more. I know he'll be fine, but he's just so cute and sweet and fun to be around. We grew up together in a way so it's hard to watch him go so far away. I don't know when I'll get to see him again. Maybe I should start a fundraiser so I can fly to Germany for Christmas! Sounds like a plan! I only need 2000 people to chip in a dollar each. That should be easy, eh?

Won't you take me to klutzytown?

It's a good thing I don't bruise easily or people might think my husband beats me. I would make a joke about how he really does, but that is really insensitive and I don't find any humor in domestic violence. Anyway, he never so much as says a cross word to me, so I am very lucky indeed.

Anyway. Give a hearty welcome to the newly crowned monarch of klutzytown. (That's me, in case you weren't sure). Sure, I'm a little klutzier than average. Like everything, I tend to excel in things that I don't really want to excel in. Such as paying my bills late. But, I've been even more clumsy lately. Perhaps I am distracted or doing too many things to pay attention to something as fundamental as walking. I don't know but yesterday, in a stunning display of uncoordination, while attempting to get into my car at the Burger King, I fell off of a curb, twisted my ankle and firmly planted my left cheek into the very sharp corner of my car door. I had an audience (everyone in the drive thru lane) but I think they were too busy gasping to laugh that much.

Underneath one of my very prominent cheekbones, I have a nasty feeling bruise. It is hardly noticeable, if at all, but it feels like I met the very sharp corner of my car door. Which I did. And my ankle is slightly sore. Note to self, high heels are off limits for a while!

Is it just me, or does estrogen really interfere with coordination? I've always been like this, but it is more pronounced when I am feeling hormonal. Are girls generally more uncoordinated than guys? I'm curious. Can we take a poll? Do you consider yourself more or less coordinated than other people and has that changed over time? Maybe I'm just getting old. Ugh. Let's hope that's not true! (Better living through denial!) hehehe.

'tis better to post and suck, than to have never posted at all

I simply do not have time to post! That's like saying "I'm so busy". Really? Because when I am truly busy, I don't even have time to say "I'm busy". Right? Right. Well, obviously I have the time to post something quickly but I don't have time to develop and write and edit a beautiful and/or witty post right now. It's Friday for me so I have to get 3 days of work done today. Should take about 45 minutes! Hahaha. I am so going to get in trouble.

Anyway, my boss wants me to change the color of the sky from blue to some other color that doesn't even exist. So, I really am going to be busy trying to explain to him that that is impossible-even for me. Man, this secretarying is hard work. I'm working hard. heh heh heh. But I'm making good progress. It's ironical that what he wants me to do is not only impossible, but it will make his life more complicated. And the process of telling him this is almost as complicated as the thing itself. I have had to call in some reinforcements in the form of actual experts in Sky Color Changing. We'll see if he changes his mind! Wish me luck!

And y'all? Have a good day. If I don't talk to you until next Monday, well, you'll just have to cope somehow. I am sure you'll find a way. I have faith in your ability to deal! Be strong!

What is your ideal job?

Ever wonder what your ideal job is but were too lazy to find out? Wonder no more! This website is super helpful, easy to use, and partially accurate.

My ideal job is Brain Surgeon!!! (Well, duh!) Or Drag Queen. Now, while I love a good drag queen, I am not so sure I would make a good one. You know, being a girl and all.

I saw the Job Predictor first at Feministe and then at Dr. Brazen Hussy's. I would like to thank them for helping me find my true calling in life. I will also forward the bill for medical school to them.

Can I get a do-over?

Shite. I am wrecked and distraught. I'll get over it. But dayum. That was the worst mid-term. Evah!

[Ed. note: If you care not one lick about school, you won't find this interesting at all. So, feel free to just move along! Also, I know that getting good grades is not the most important thing but *conceit alert*... I am kind of used to them.]

So, I studied and studied and crammed my head full of terms and concepts and names and theories and memorized funky little symbols for vowel and consonant sounds for my linguistics exam last night and I - uncharacteristically, I might add - choked. C.H.O.K.E.D.

*More conceit alert* I am a good, no make that great test-taker. I sometimes think "ew, didn't do so hot on that one" but then I get the results and more often than not it's a grade that starts with an A and ends with a +. Well, not everytime. I distinctly recall an algebra quiz that I got a BIG FAT STINKING F on. Not the proudest moment in my school career, but it was algebra and I hate algebra with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. Yet, symbolic logic - I get that. Go figure. I just don't have the algebra gene.

Anyway, I apparently focused too much on the other 16 study questions and didn't remember a single, cotton-pickin' thing on 2 of the questions which, wouldn't you know it, were on the test. I basically wrote the most asinine answer ever written in linguistics history and now? My professor is going to think I am an IDIOT! Which I am clearly not. (Humor me, please!)

Actual essay question from the test: Name three contributions of de Sausurre and explain each one.

My answer: Ferdinand de Sausurre contributed the following:
Langue - all the collective knowlegede of a language.
Parole - the use of language. [this is close, but not quite right.]
The other two things he contributed I have suddenly forgotten but they go something like this - in a grammatical structure you can replace a word by doing something like this [I drew up/down arrow] and this <-->. The other one has something to do with synchronic and diachronic language study and I feel really stupid right now because I know I will remember it as soon as I walk out the door. damn. I really do know this stuff, I am just not very articulate today.

I actually wrote that. Stop laughing! That is just one example of the two questions I didn't know the answer to. You know how sometimes it's better to just say nothing but you keep talking and talking and you end up sounding more ignorant than you really are? Yeah. It was like that. As I was writing this bizarrely stupid answer, I was telling myself "Shut up! Just shut up! Stop writing!" I feel pretty humiliated. I am embarassed to actually go back to class now.

There is no possible way I could even make an 80 on this mid-term. I don't care so much about the grade, but I don't want Dr. S to think I am a 'tard, which he undoubtedly will. And this is my major, people. I DID learn something though. Those contributions of de Sausurre? They are permanently ingrained in my brain now.

Whatever, it sucked. I'm embarassed. I think I will dye my hair black and pierce my nose next week so he doesn't recognize me. I don't know what that would achieve but - crap. I want a do-over!

Math Lesson

Today's Math Lesson with Ms. Q is all about Starbucks. We all know that Howard Schultz is the most successful drug dealer of all time, because we also all know that those drinks have crack in them, but now I have figured out the mathematical equation for the drink prices!

Here is goes. This is my own example, feel free to figure yours out and leave it in the comments. That is, if you are one of the weak-minded, crack-addicted fools like me. If you have managed to escape the evil clutches of Starbucks, I commend you!

Here goes: My drink costs $4.85 and I usually pay with a fiver, so I throw the change (a whole 15 cents) into the tip jar. My drink requires 10 words to order. Observe: "Triple Venti Non-Fat Pumpkin Spice Latte with Easy Whip [Cream]". Five dollars divided by 10 words is ...drumroll, please... 50 cents per word! Or less, if I don't tip.

$5.00/10w= .50/w

Or, I can buy my "Triple Venti Non-Fat Pumpkin Spice Latte with Easy Whip" and it will normally take me about 50 minutes to drink it. I like to savor the flavor, you know. Fifty minutes divided by $5 equals 10 cents a minute. That's cheaper than a long distance phone call to my mom - and way more delicious!

50 min./$5.00= .10/min

Which means that a "Tall Coffee" or "Tall Drip" is more expensive than my fancy drink. A tall (which actually means "small", go figure) cup of coffee is about $1.60 ish. $1.60 divided by 2 words equals 80 cents per word. Mine is only 50 cents per word so you can see that I know how to get my money's worth at Starbucks.

Your results may vary. I have determined that it is virtually impossible to order any drink at SBUX using fewer than 2 words. If you can think of any, do let me know.

I hope you have learned something here today. Be sure to share this equation, which we'll call the Q-Bucks Hypothesis, at your next math party!

I *heart* you guys!

You have really made my day(s) with all the comment love. I am not worthy, but I'll take it when I can get it! It is sometimes hard to spill my guts here, knowing that people can be judgemental and they have the power to delete me from their blogrolls. (ooooh noooo!) Here's to your efforts and success in stifling my inner cynic. You've once again restored my faith in humanity.

Now, let the bitching commence!

Today is kicking my butt. I woke up, knowing that we were out of coffee at home and I thought I could just deal with it. You have not seen me in the morning without my coffee - just imagine a really tall, cranky, whiny, miserable baby and you've got a good idea. I poured myself a medium-sized glass of Dr. Pepper and started sipping. Boy, was that a bad idea. I can drink coffee 'til the cows come home and my stomach is fine. One measley little glass of cold, carbonated beverage and I have a rotten feeling in my tummy. waaaahhh.

Then, there was a little issue with my rent check which we will not discuss here. I discovered this after I got to work and had a Cup! of! Coffee!! Thank god, or we would have seen a major meltdown at work and as Martha Stewart says, "women do not cry in the business world".

On top of that, I am in jury duty limbo. I don't know yet if I have jury duty today and I won't know until about noon. The potential problem with that is I may have to hop in my car at noon and report to court by 1:15 p.m. This is a problem because I have class at 4:00 p.m. which I can't miss because I have a mid-term for which I feel poorly prepared. If I show up at 1:15, I seriously doubt I will be able to leave by 3:00 p.m. so that I can drive to school. So, even though I wanted to serve on a jury, today is a really, really bad day for it. Hopefully, the jury duty gods will take pity on me and let me off the hook this time. This concludes my foray into civic duty. Jury Duty Limbo is officially over. I don't need to report. So, now I am just nervous about the mid-term.

That mid-term? It is in Descriptive Linguistics and the material is both copious and challenging. I studied for *gasp* two or three hours last night between doing laundry, making and eating dinner, and watching Lost. Damn, that show is good. I missed the whole first season but I hope to get caught up in my spare time by watching it on DVD. Spare time!! Hahaha! That's a good one! I digress. I am not prone to test anxiety but I have it now.

Needless to say, I am having a day. Mr. Q was spectacular on the phone a bit ago when I told him that I was having a hard day. He calmed me down and told me everything would be okay! What I would do without his reassurances, I don't know, but it wouldn't be pretty.

Thanks for listening. Things are bound to get better. Tomorrow is Friday, my exam will be over, jury duty limbo will be over. And then, it's only one day 'til I see this guy! ==>

On Motherhood

It’s hard being the mommy. Especially when you’re not really the mommy anymore. I mean, harder-than-algebra hard.

In the span of six swiftly passing years, I have been a military wife with two young kids, a single mom (almost the same thing), a newlywed and mother to a blended family and now an empty-nester. I am thrity-six years old.

My now grown son is moving to Germany in a matter of weeks and my teenage daughter lives fifteen hundred miles away with her Dad and large step-family. I have a beautiful stepson but he lives with his mom and step-dad in a town 70 miles from our house so our hands-on parenting has been reduced significantly.

Funny thing, life. I became a parent when I was too young to know that I wanted to be a parent. I spent many years wondering when I would get to taste the freedom that my peers had in their late teens and early twenties. Many days were spent wishing I didn’t have to be the mommy. Sometimes I would curl up in a ball in my darkened bedroom and wish I could go back and do everything over the ‘right’ way.

Now, sometimes, all I wish is for time to go backwards so I can experience it all again, only this time paying more attention to the little things and this time doing it with a mate who wants to be intimately involved in each and every minute detail.

I know I was a good mom. I know I am still a good mom – as good as I can be from such a long distance. I know my kids think I am great and they know what a hard time I had and how I did my best despite the hardships and the challenges.

Mistakes were made (nothing too serious, I hope), but I did most of it pretty well not even considering that I was at a distinct disadvantage in numerous ways. I was extremely young (17), formally uneducated (high school dropout), and lower income (can we say 'poor, white trash'?). However, a combination of good genes and continuously improving parenting skills resulted in two very excellent young people, if I do say so myself. I guess being semi-smart and semi-bored helped me give these kids an interesting growing up experience. To say the least!

One thing I learned very well was how to be flexible. Part of that comes from being a civilian in the military world and moving every three years. Part of that just comes from being a parent – each new phase of development, each new school year, brings new challenges and new expectations. Now that my kids are basically out of the house, I’ve got all this “flexibility ability” and not that much to be flexible about. Sure, there is work and school and my fabulous husband and the cat, but they are all pretty low maintenance and not at all difficult. I don’t want the chaos that used to reign supreme in my life and in my house, but I miss the challenges. The frustration that comes from having a problem and needing to work (hard) for the solution.

I know I’ll get over it. There are so many ways in which I like having no (direct, hands on) parenting responsibility. It’s cool to come home as late as I want and not have to deal with someone else’s homework or issues. It's (really) nice to come home and see the sink not full of dirty dishes. Et cetera.

I’ve finally got the freedom I craved as a young adult and a young parent. Only now, I don’t really want it. I want to have more babies and raise them to be the beautiful, thoughtful and loving people that my kids are now. I want the craziness and the sleep-deprivation and the dirty diapers. I want the preschool and the dropping off and the shopping for new shoes every six months. I want to shed tears on the first day of kindergarten and I want the Saturdays spent at t-ball or soccor practice.

I want to go to a different classmate's birthday party every other weekend and spend a fortune in birthday presents, but get it all back on my kids’ birthday when all of those kids come and lavish ours with presents in return. I want to go to parent-teacher conferences and be slightly offended when they say “little Q is very bright but spends all day day-dreaming” but also slightly proud to know that our kid is thinking of something other than what they’re being told to think. I want it all. The good, the bad and the overwhelmingly hard.

This is all part of the adjustment period I am sure. Combine that with a loudly ticking biological clock and I think I might need therapy! And part of me wonders, seriously, if I hadn’t had my tubes tied at age 22, would I really want to start all over again now? Or would I have had 5 more kids with my ex and been committed to an asylum from the chaos that would have ensued? Would I be happy to quit my job and drop out of school yet again in order to stay home and be a mommy?

The answer to all of those questions is probably yes. YES. I would have wanted to start over. Even though I would have probably had five more kids with my ex and I would probably have been committed to an asylum. I would be ecstatically happy to start again now with the man I love, stay home, bake cookies and watch Sesame Street.

I am still a mom. I’ll always be the mom, right? I talk to my daughter nearly every day and our conversations are light-years better than when she lived with us. She’s 16. Need I say more? She has a job interview today! Good luck, Jojo! My son will be here in 4 days! My baby boy is all grown-up. For real. And I still want to cut his food for him and tie his shoes.

Motherhood is a journey. As Cosmo-grrl says, Motherhood is the only profession that, by the time you're really good at it, you retire! I miss my kids like crazy. I know they’ve just left the nest (perhaps a little prematurely) and that’s not a good thing or a bad thing. It just is. I know it was inevitable they would leave and move on and have lives of their own.

I just didn’t know that it would be harder to let them go than it was to have them in the first place.